Watercolor
by i n s o m n i a t i c- x
Summary: Kyle Broflovski's life just wont get any better. He finds himself questioning who he really is, not to mention everything around him is crumbling down and he's addicted to drugs. Only one person has the ability to save him, but can he do it? CartmanxKyle
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Aah, yes those wondrous Disclaimers! Well my pretties, I don't own south park in any way, shape, or form. So sorry to rain on your parade! Though, I'm sure I wouldn't be here if I did own south park, would I? On the other hand, I do own the plot and actions taking place in this fan fiction.

**Story title: **Watercolor

**Rating: **T (Could change but most likely wont.)

**Summary (full): **Kyle Broflovski's life just wont get any better. As he's locked in the deep grey world he likes to call 'life' he finds himself questioning who he really is. Now he's addicted to Anti-depressants and many other drugs. Can Cartman save him in time before Kyle does something stupid? Or will he fail? Read to find out.

**Pairings: **KylexCartman. StanxWendy. _Slight_ KylexCraig.

**Warning: **Drug abuse, rude language, some things may be taken offensively..

**Authors comment: **This is just a Prologue, so it's nothing special, and it really does truly suck. Though, if you do like it (which you wont) please feel free to tell me!! Haha, yeah this was a fail (why am I even posting it? Hell I don't know!). Enjoy!! :3

**-Prologue- **

_Goodnight. Sleep tight. Just please- don't let those bedbugs bite. _

Everything's suppose to have a purpose, right? We're all meant for something, because if we weren't, we wouldn't be here... Would we? I spend most of my days questioning my existence and wondering if life really is worth it.

Let's catch up on a few things for a minute.

I'm Kyle Broflovski, a seventeen year old Jewish boy that lives in the bum town known only as, South Park. My parents are in the middle of a divorce, my super best friend isn't really my friend anymore, and the worst person in the world wont leave me alone. Who? Eric Cartman of course.

I guess I cant complain to much though, because there are people out there with bigger problems right? Compared to them I'm the happiest person in the world. Selfish words can lead to selfish action my dear friend. It's been about five months since my mother and father began fighting.

It's all my fault; I know it is. I'm the reason their fighting, the reason they split-up, hell, I'm the reason for everything. This isn't a home, it's a torture chamber. It's like a war, I don't think peace will ever take place in this house ever again. I still don't understand why my father wont just move out already.

Other than the parent issue, school life sucks also. I used to be the innocent teacher's pet that got all A's. Now, I'm just a regular student. As Stan put it I'm technically, '_An average student that does average work.' _

Yeah, Stan and I don't talk as much as we used to, he's to busy with Wendy to give a flying fuck about me anymore. To think, the girl he used to throw-up on took my super best friend away. She's a complete whore anyway, I heard she's had sex with five different boys from school in the last week. Stan's just way to blind to see this. He's living in denial. Complete and utter denial. It's okay though, because I don't feel any pity for him at all.

I suppose life just wont get better for me will it? The sun wont ever shine through the clouds. There is no place over the rainbow. The rain wont go away, and the spider will never go back up the spout again.

I'm Kyle Broflovski, and this is my fucked up story.

**Ending Note; **Just the prologue, that's why it's so short (of course). Though the actual chapters will be longer, much, much longer. Hope you enjoyed it though. And please, it's my first one don't go to hard on me. Remember: Flames are for MARSHMALLOWS **ONLY. **:3


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter: **1: Fool.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own south park. Damnit!

**Rated: **T.

**Warnings: **Gay themes. Language (Of course).

**Note: **Here's the actual beginning of the story. I finally decided how I wanted things to go. I spent awhile thinking of how to lay the story down. Okie Dokie? Hope you like it. Sorry it took long to update, enjoy.

**Don't enjoy. Don't enjoy. Don't enjoy.**

**Don't read. Sucks. Don't read. Sucks.**

**:D **

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**Fool.**

_Bounce. Bounce. Bounce._

The ball seemed to never go still. Sweat soon broke as I swirled myself around the taller teen, known better as, Craig Tucker. Him and I are known as the best basketball players on the team, since Stan and I hardly talk- I'd say Craig was the one to always receive an earful when I was mad or upset.

I guess you could say we were friends. Nothing more, and nothing less. He was just someone I could count on, even though I don't trust him with anything. Craig has had many roomers about him get shot back and forth, mouth to mouth, scream to scream, whisper to whisper. Though, none of it really stopped me from talking to him. I never really listen to what people have to say anymore.

After all, we are teammates. Teammates and nothing more. As I slid forward, my sneakers squeaking against the court I passed the bouncing basketball to Craig, who caught it was ease and threw it into the hoop above him. Score.

Even though my life is in complete hell, I just cant stop playing basketball. It's like my getaway. It's overwhelming, it keeps my mind off of every possibly problem in my life. When playing basketball; it's just the hoop and me. Just the hoop… That's all I worry about. I don't worry about school, home, my parents, Cartman, Stan, Craig, nothing. I worry about absolutely nothing. If basketball was taken from me…

I don't know what I'd do.

I'm sure all of you think it's just a silly sport, but when your someone like me, it's much more than just a simple ball being thrown around and dribbled- it's a ball filled with nothing but your mind. When you let go of that ball- it takes your worry with it. Oh god, just listen to me, I sound like a _"pussy-Jewish-Girl"_, as Cartman would call me.

Did I ever tell you about Cartman? Well if I have, here's a recap anyway. Eric Cartman, the quarterback for the south park football team. To think a fat fucker like him would make it as quarterback. Besides this, Cartman is just an asshole who thinks he has the power to control anyone in his life. Not only that, but he thinks he's better than everyone else around him. For example: Me.

I've been his target since forever. He's a sick, twisted, mind controlling, bastard, who spends his free time stuffing his face with food and watching old reruns of Terence and Phillip. He spends his school career arguing and fighting with me. Not to mention I cant go one hour without being called a "Jew" and many other things that are childish attempts to anger me. But, I have something Cartman doesn't have and that's; Self control.

Out of everything Cartman does and is, he does not have self control. One word that insults him in any shape, way, or form and **BOOM**, smack to the face, punch in the jaw, pulling of hair, kick in the balls. I can list many other violent things he's done in the past- but it's a really long list.

So far, Cartman's been laying back for awhile, It's been awhile since he's gotten into an extreme fight (which by the way, always involved me). Oh yeah, we've gotten into so many fist fights in the past it's not even funny. He actually broke my nose when I turned fifteen. I'm not joking either, my fifteenth birthday present from him was a punch. I wont lie, it was a hell of a punch too. He was mumbling something about making my 'Jew nose' even bigger now- but I was too pissed off to listen to what he was saying at the time.

Eh, sucks for him because my nose didn't get bigger at all. I don't even find my nose to be all the big anyway, it's normal size, right?

"Kyle! Pay attention!" Craig snapped jogging past me. I shook my head and came back from my thoughts looking around. _Fuck. _Leave it to me to wonder away from a game like that. I looked up at the score board and frowned. We were losing. Never, have we lost a game in two years. We were usually unbeatable. I could sense Craig death glaring me from the other side of the court. He was always a sucker for losing. He couldn't stand it, if he lost- he'd always blame someone and this time I think that 'someone' might be me if I don't get my ass in gear!

I jogged up to Craig, "Sorry dude." I panted and watched as the other team passed the ball to someone behind me. I jumped up catching the ball and landed back on my feet, dashing back towards the other side of the court, racing to the hoop. There it was, everything was gone. I jumped into the air, the ball left my hands, and there. It was gone. Everything was gone. The only worry I sensed was that the ball wouldn't go in…

It did though, it slipped in like butter and the score increased. I could see Craig smiling and run over to me holding his hand up waiting for a hi5. I slapped my hand against his and walked over to the sidelines, grabbing a cup of water.

"Nice shot. Two more, and perhaps more, and we've got this game for sure." He told me in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. Craig always preached us with statistics when it came to our games. I nodded at his statement and looked over at him with a smirk.

"Just give me the ball," I said, "And you've got yourself another game to cheer about." I heard him chuckle slightly and pat my back a little harshly.

"Alright Kyle, don't let me down." he started backing away getting ready to go back into the court. I raised an eyebrow at him, He laughed again, "Fine, fine. Just win us the damned game." he yelled amused.

He could read my expressions like a book sometimes. Me, let him down? Never. At least I hoped not… Oh no, here comes negativity. Damnit. I jogged with Craig as the break ended and we began to play the last minutes of the game.

No more than thirty minutes later that game had ended and the team headed for the locker-room, all of them jumping and cheering for yet again, another victory. Craig was standing on one of the benches screaming his lungs out about how awesome the team was and how awesome the passing game was. I shook my head at his over-dramatic cheering and changed into my formal clothing. I packed everything into my duffle bag and headed for the exit.

Just as I left the school and walking outside, footsteps were heard behind me. I turned around, my hair blowing in the wind, my eyebrow cocked slightly and looked at Craig's running feature. He slowed to a walk when he came beside me.

"Nice game! You never fail to let me down." He told me with a grin. I turned towards him with a bored expression and waited for him to continue. The game was over now, so I was back to my silent and very dull self again. He smiled, "I thought you were going to let me down back there. Thanks again. Y'know how I hate losing."

"Yeah." I answered shortly and continued walking, him still following. It was cold outside, as always, and snowing. It was the large type, so beautiful, so calming, yet- it never seemed to want to stick together and create an even more beautiful blanket of snow over all of south park. This stuff would just melt and become annoying.

All good things have their faults though. _Everything. _I walked beside Craig in complete silence. What was there to say? What was there to do? We'd just walk together. Walk together and nothing more.

Never anything more. Nothing in my life would ever become more than what it's worth, because my life wasn't worth anything. Nothing, nothing but suffering.

Was I a fool for acting the way I did?

Was I a fool for never seeing how good I actually have it when it comes to my life?

Am I a fool for never really wanting to accept the way things are?

Though tell me, tell me why I'm the one who has to be a fool?

What a fucking pity-party.

* * *

**A/N: **Wow. So that sucked completely. That wasn't even worth the words. =] Oh well, I don't just want to jump into things quickly, I first want to get Kyle's feelings known and how his character is going to be in this story. The next chapter will be when everything actually begins with Cartman. So get ready! Sorry if you didn't like it. =D To tell you the truth, I didn't know how to start off, so I started with yet another introduction of Kyle telling you about his views on life and how he feels. Either way it's crappy! Omg yay, another fail! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Aah, yes those wondrous Disclaimers! Well my pretties, I don't own south park in any way, shape, or form. So sorry to rain on your parade! Though, I'm sure I wouldn't be here if I did own south park, would I? On the other hand, I do own the plot and actions taking place in this fan fiction.

**Rating: **T (Could change but most likely wont.)

**Warning: **Drug abuse, rude language, some things may be taken offensively.. Come on people- this is south park we're talking about. Lmao.

**Authors comment: **The second actual chapter to my experimental story. I hope this goes well, because this is where everything is going to start. It's like… The BIG BANG. Y'know? Anyway, please enjoy. Oh- and it always pained me to write one of my dear loves to be an addict-- but Damnit Kyle, I just had to! D: you hit rock bottom. How could you? Oh that's right, I made you! Drugs are bad M'kay? :D

:D

By the way, I re-read this like three times, so if there are any errors what so ever... I'm sorry. =] Tell me kindly and I'll fix them.

Ready for another fail? =D

**

* * *

**

Bury me.

_I live a shattered life; filled with pieces, ruins, and __**shards.**_

_I live a shattered life; it's just a game of playing __**cards**__. _

Waking up, I headed to the shower and got ready for school. Today was one of those days where you wish you could just lay down and never wake up. Yes, you know what I'm talking about, don't lie. After I got done showering and getting fully dressed I walked up to the mirror and opened it, grabbing my bottle of Anti-depressant pills. A few years back my mom had insisted I'd have them, I never really started taking them until a few months ago. I must say, with a large dose- the stuff actually works.

I popped open the bottle and started to shake it over my empty hand, five pills spilled out. I sighed and tossed them all into my mouth. I put the lid back on and then placed it neatly back where it belonged, I'd be opening this same mirror tomorrow to take the same amount again.

I turned to leave the bathroom before I stopped at my own image in the mirror. My image was looking back at me, his face full of curiousness, his lips straight, his eyes shadowed with awful bags from lack of sleep, his hair messy. I knew it, I knew I looked like a mess. I didn't need a stupid mirror to tell me that. I rolled my eyes at my childless and left, closing the door with a 'click'.

"Kyle!" Ike screamed from downstairs. I rolled my eyes and grabbed my messenger bag and closed my bedroom door behind me and walked towards the stairs. What was the issue anyway? It's not like I was going to be late anyway. It seems that no matter what everyone was always in a hurry, as if life were going to leave them behind. They're in for a rude awakening.

"I'm coming! Chill out." I scolded running down the stairs and towards the front door. I followed Ike with an irritated expression and the two of us walked to school. Sometimes I couldn't stand Ike. It's bad enough that last night I had to put up with my mom and dad's fighting again. As I've suggested before; why the hell doesn't he just move out? It would make things a lot better. A lot.

As I walked through the halls of south park high, I dodged out of the way of all the short ninth graders and the not so short tenth graders. I neared my locker, just inches away, this was until I heard a particular name being called.

"Aye Jew, your shoe needs tied." I stopped and looked down at my shoe. Just as I bent over- Whack. I was hit with a blunt object (probably Cartman's fat hand). I fell forward from the impact (since he hit my back). I growled and turned over so that I was facing him. His mouth opened wide and he screamed with laughter. All he did was point and laugh, just point and laugh. Cartman never had any manners at all. None what so ever. Even if he took the time to actually try to be nice- he'd fail. Miserably too.

"You fat fuck!" I snapped lowly, my voice barely audible as I talked to myself. Cartman not only had great eyesight, but he had fantastic hearing. He raised an eyebrow which then slanted down, creating the perfect 'V' shape. He held a hand to his ear sarcastically and ask, "I'm sorry, what was that?" his voice held anger as he snarled out the last three words. He hated being called fat- he always mumbled something about being 'big-boned'. Whatever, you're not even close. Get over yourself… _Then again, he's not that fat either… _

"You heard me," I told him solemnly and stood. I grabbed my books and turned on my heels, On my way to my first class of the day- Math. What was the sense in math class anymore? The students do none of their work, because the calculators that the teachers give them do it for them. I never told anyone this before, but even without a calculator, it only takes me one minute to do a single problem. Though- As Stan said; I'm an average student who does average work. Why start caring now? Why suddenly change myself? I mean- I hate change. When people change, they aren't who you thought you knew. When someone close to you changes, it's almost like the old person died and someone else took control of their body.

Like Stan… Just like Stan. After middle school, he changed completely. We used to hang out all the time and play videogames, but ever since him and Wendy began dating, I never mattered to him anymore. I was only second best. And really, who wants to be second best?

Second best is like left over dinner- which most people end up never eating and feeding to their pets. Do you want to be scrap food for your dog? No, I don't think so. Unless… Your into that kind of stuff…?

Back on subject-- As I walked into my first period class and sat down (around the middle somewhere so I'd be able to get away with sleeping) I couldn't help but think back to what just happened. Was I stupid? If I wasn't careful Cartman would have seriously kicked my ass. But it's okay, because I'm not afraid of him….

I'm not afraid of him at all.

As a matter-of-fact, I bet he's more afraid of me than I am of him.

Yeah, that's it. He's afraid of me. I just know it, he has to be!

…

Denial. Why the hell am I always being denial? I'm fucking terrified of Cartman. Just looking at him makes me want to hide from him. Just hearing his name, his voice, his breathing… It scares me. I never usually tell people this but… I'm afraid of him. I'm afraid of him so much, so bad, a little to much that… Half the time he's all I ever think about. I cant ever get his sadistic smile out of my head. I cant stop thinking of his fist connecting with my nose again. I just… I cant stop thinking about, Eric Cartman.

Actually, Now that I think about it, Cartman has Math class with-

"Kahl. You have something in your hair." I was tugged back to reality I turned around to a rather, innocent, Cartman. He smiled sheepishly and then pointed to the back of my head. I eyed him closely and reached my hand up to my hair. When I touched the sticky, pink substance of chewing gum- I nearly shrieked.

"you fucking asshole!" I yelled, pointing an accusing finger at him, making him snigger at my astonished expression. I moved the sticky, **ABC**, gum between my index and middle finger, trying to pull it out. Hope didn't seem to be on my side this time, and well, I made it worse. More of my hair became tangled in the sticky mess. I withdrew my hand from the back of my head and stood from my desk- grabbing Cartman's jacket collar, tugging him closer to me. Paranoia could wait right now. I was to angry to think about anything else right now. Was gum really necessary? Or rather, was gum that he had chewed necessary?!

His smirk widened, nearly splitting his face. I felt disgusted with him, I was so sick of him. I was so fucking mad right now, I… I wanted to punch him so fucking bad! As I pulled my fist back the classroom got silent. As I pulled my fist back, Cartman's smirk only widened. As I pulled my fist back- The teacher walked in.

Everyone turned to look towards the classroom's door. There stood Mr. Holloway, our science teacher of three years now. He stood with a brief case held under his arm and a scowling look of annoyance. I let go of Cartman quickly, and let my arms hang down to my side. "Kyle Broflovski, to the principal's office-"

**POW. **

I stumbled backwards into a few other student's desks, which they had escaped from just as I landed into them. I seethed in, my breath hitched as the back of my head collided with one of the desks. In reaction I pulled both my hands up to clutch my head from the pain. Cartman hit me? He actually hit me in front of one of the teachers?

Mr. Holloway must have been to taken aback, because he stood there with a complete blank face. Cartman stood above me, cracking his knuckles. He bent down so we were face to face. The next words made me regret ever saying anything to him this morning, "By the way, I'm big boned. Not fat." I felt completely embarrassed, I felt so shocked that he actually had the balls to do that. Has he been practicing or something? Because that was twice as hard as my fifteenth birthday gift.

"Cartman, Kyle…" Mr. Holloway was just about to speak, but Cartman interrupted him. "I'll excuse myself." he muttered, walking out of the classroom. What… What the hell just happened? I clutched my nose, looking at my fingers to see if he made any blood spill. Thankfully- he didn't. At least that's what I thought. I stood up, still holding my head.

"Oh my god! Kyle!" A girl shrieked, I turned around to see Bebe holding a hand over her mouth. I looked at her with a raised eyebrow- if I were able to even do that much without being in intense pain. "Y-your… Your head." I froze, and reached my hand towards the back of my head once again. I touched it, breathing inward from the pressure. I pulled my hand back and looked at it. Blood.

If it weren't my nose, it was something else. He'd never feel accomplished if he didn't make someone bleed. He'd never feel complete if he'd let someone go with just a little bruise. No… He had to make them suffer.

"Kyle," Mr. Holloway began, "To nurse's office, and then the principal's." I quickly walked out of the classroom, and headed straight for the nearest bathroom possible. Fuck that damn nurse, she'd send me to the hospital because I might "Have a concussion" or something. My parents have enough problems, they don't need to worry about me, that's the last thing they need.

I took a paper towel and ran cold water over it, slowly patting the back of my head, hoping the bleeding would stop, hopefully it would. I wish it would. It did, thankfully. The one thing I ask for that actually happens is for my head to stop bleeding. How cruel are you god? Finally after ten minutes of pulling, the gum came out of my hair. Just to be safe I went to my locker and put my overly-dramatic green hat on. With this being done, I walked to the principal's office, ready to receive a very long lecture.

---

"Kyle, We've been waiting for you." The brunette haired woman told us, smiling up at me. There was a chair beside Cartman- which I grabbed and pulled it to the far side of the room before I actually sat down on it. This made Cartman want to chuckle but he held it in, which made me shoot him a dirty look.

"So Cartman told me you had assaulted him, is this true, Kyle?" the short woman asked. My mouth fell open and I couldn't help but look between the two of them a few times. "What the hell is this? No, he's the one that hit me! He put gum in my hair and then punched me!"

"Mrs. Stone, I believe Kyle had punched me first, which made me get upset and then I pushed him away from me." he said in a very high pitch, very childish, and very annoying voice. I continued to glare at him, turning my body to face him fully.

"No tubby," His eyes squinted, and he looked at me from the corner of his eyes, "You're such a liar. I _was _going to punch you, but you ended up doing it!"

"Proof?"

"All of the fucking class and Mr. Holloway!"

"Okay," Mrs. Stone cut in, holding her hand up, motioning us to stop. she then began writing down a few things and pushed up her bright red glasses. "Since it seems like a small conflict, here's what I'm going to do…"

Small? He punched me! How small is that? Not only that but he caused major damage, now I have to be careful not to fall asleep so I don't actually end up sleeping my whole life away.

She began speaking again, "The two of you will take anger management classes together…"

"What?!" Cartman and I asked at the same time. She nodded.

There was no way in hell I'd ever do something like that, "Mrs. Stone, you cant be serious, why not just give me detention?" I asked her, I practically begged her.

Cartman now talked, "Yeah, I don't even have time for that!"

Mrs. Stone began talking again, "No, I feel you two have a lot of tension between one another, so anger management is the best for you. Also, I want the two of you to go through community service together until you make amends. This relationship between the two of you is very unhealthy."

Duh. Do you really think so? Stupid bitch.

I growled under my breath and looked away from her, biting the inside of my cheek

so I wouldn't flip out on her. Cartman appeared to have been doing the same thing.

I don't blame him. This chick was talking crazy-talk.

"Fine." the both of us mumbled.

None of this would have happened if he would have just left me the fuck alone.

Just Bury me.

Bury me so fucking deep.

Until I no longer can breathe,

Until it's so dark I cant see,

Until I go insane.

Just bury me,

Bury me away from everything.

Bury me away from him.

Away from Cartman.

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**Ending Note: **So it's the ending of a beginning for our little Kyle, isn't it? Oh, poor him, things are just getting started, your in for a lot more beatings, meetings, and feelings. Be prepared mah precious Jew! Teehee. Well. Okie. No. Anyway, that's it. Sorry I started it out so roughly, but I just had this vision of Cartman and Kyle going through anger management classes together after watching the movie with Adam Sandler in it (for the 100th time. I love that movie!). Anyway, next chapter will be up soon. Okie Dokie? Sorry if you didn't like it! By the way, did you notice Mrs. Stone's name? Haha, I stole Matt's name! lol. Bye bye.


	4. Chapter 4

Bad day. Crappy people. horrible chapter.

Ughhh. D: So late.

My neck hurts.

This chapter sucks. Ewww.

Ehhhhh, it's so short. Isn't it? D:

Enjoy this filler, because that's practically all it is. =[

I'm sad now. lol. You wont like this chapter, but read the sneek peak of the next chapter. It's gonna get interesting~!

**Bi-polar much?**

_Breathe, Just breathe._

This was utterly retarded.

What bothered me was the fact I was stuck in this horrible room with Cartman for another hour and a half. It was pathetic. It actually made no fucking sense at all.

I had to pinch myself I few times to make sure I wouldn't fall asleep and dream about unicorns on shrooms. Jesus, get me out of here!

"So Kyle," the woman in front of us with brunette hair began, I flashed a gaze over to her. Letting her know I was listening. And, I was, barely.

I nodded, telling her I had been paying attention, "What angers you about Cartman?"

Was she serious? This is why I hated people like this. Either they ask questions that upset you even more, or they create a problem. It's ridiculous. Why cant they just be normal people for once and explain and actually try to solve the problem that is there, not some _assumed issue_.

But, that wouldn't be in their job description. I bet they're laughing at us all right now… I swear, I'll kill who ever it was that made up such a stupid 'program' like this.

Once again, ridiculous.

"I…" I lost words for a moment, trying to think. What did I hate about Cartman? Besides the fact he's a rude pig, who doesn't know how to eat properly, there was nothing that really upset me about him. Eh, maybe I should cut back a little on the fat jokes… Haha, no. "He's rude."

"How so?" She asked, pushing her glasses up on her face, crossing her legs and looking over at me with a curious gaze. I hope it isn't always like this. I'd go insane by day three. Hell, am I insane now?

"Well, for starters," I placed a thinking finger on my chin and looked up at the ceiling. I opened my mouth and spoke in soft in slow words, "He's a narcissist. He only cares about himself, he never once thought about others and how they might feel about the things he does and says to them. He hardly ever shows any sign of caring. I bet if his mom died, he'd probably laugh at the funeral, and, frankly, he has no tolerance for anyone but himself."

I could feel Cartman's glare burning holes through me. I must have said something that pissed him off. The woman across from us shook her head and then shifted towards Cartman, "Cartman," she began, "What makes you mad about Kyle."

He gave a quick 'Ahem' noise and sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he spoke. I braced myself, knowing he was going to dig deep into everything. I'll probably look like the asshole. Then again, I practically made him look like one too.

_Don't feel guilty, idiot, Cartman deserves this._

There's that voice again. Why did I have to be stuck with a conscious? I would gladly trade anyone without one (such as Cartman). It drags me down so fucking much, which is another reason I hoped to god this would end soon, then I could go back to being myself, Y'know? The kid that just doesn't give a flying fuck about anything. My eyes lifted at Cartman's smooth voice, and he began to talk.

"Well," pause. A long pause at that, "It's hard to say…"

It is? Dude, after so many years of hating each other, you don't have a reason as to why you randomly kicked my ass, insulted me, and called my mom a bitch?

He cleared his throat, "I mean, the biggest reason is because he's a Jew."

I narrowed my eyes and mentally slapped Cartman, if only I could really do it.

"I think another part of the reason would be because no matter how fucked up things can get, he walks around without a care in the world…" This made me look over towards him, curious as to what he would say next.

"What do you mean?" I asked, beating the woman to the point. Good, she doesn't have any room to speak right now. This problem is between Cartman and I. Not her. Not the school. Not Stan, Kenny, our parents, or anyone in South Park.

He faced me fully, "You could have the worst life ever, and yet, you still seem to never become affected by it. You're a robot, Kyle. A pure robot." another long pause, "At least show that you have emotions, the only expression you own is _apathetic_. You don't have a sense of humor, sympathy, or any common sense. You're apathetic and book smart. You will never make it in the real world. _Never_."

I stood, peering down at Cartman. "Kyle…" the brown haired woman held her hand out. He had no idea what he was talking about. He has no right. What I'd do to punch him right now, oh, what I'd give.

"I'm apathetic? I have no common sense? That's funny, because right now you only seem to be describing yourself. I'd rather build a bridge and get over something, then have to sit on my fat ass and eat my problems away, like you!" I snapped, pulling my messenger bag over my shoulder walking away. "See you at school, fat fuck." I muttered slamming the door to the woman's office shut.

Once more, I will tell you, this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever witnessed. Cartman will be hunting me down at school tomorrow, I just knew it. I never keep my mouth shut. After all, I have to defend myself right? Because no one else will? Damnit. I fucking hate Cartman.

I need some fucking acid or something.

Should I go on a trip and never come back?

If I'm placed in a hospital my whole life, I'd be safe and healthy…

So why not?

Why not just vanish?…

…To Do list:

Get **tortured** by Cartman.

Get **high.**

Get tortured by **Cartman**.

**Get** high.

Get **tortured** by Cartman…

Get **high**….

Get tortured **by** Cartman,

Get high,

Have a _drug overdose_…

_**Vanish forever.**_

Why do I let **him** do this to me?

Is he worth my time..

No.

Then why do I let him devour every hour left on my clock.

Is my time line ending?

**Ending Note**: wow! D: Very late, not to mention a huge let down. I hate the way this story is going. Ewwwwww. Ugh, I might make another story, which will be super different. DDD: && much better. Lol. My head hurts. Whatever.

Preview of next chapter:

_Right, so that's why you stole my gym bag?… _

"Just give it back, I need it for the basketball game tonight."

No, it wasn't because of _that_, I left my pills in there and a lot of other things I would not like _Eric Cartman _to find, I'd be toast… Not to mention it's great black mail material. Oh god… this is just… just… alright, no more sarcasm.. THIS IS HELL!

"Give it back, now." I ordered, my voice stern and clear. I was serious about this, I needed that bag back. Not only for basketball, but so I can keep my pride as well.

Let me explain, if Cartman find out about my… well, _problem, _my life will be so screwed. Knowing Cartman, he'd have me do what ever he wanted. He'd force me to either 1) do everything he says (which I'd never do that) or 2) tell the whole school and send me to some retarded rehab center.

It isn't as bad as him going to fat camp, is it?

I felt myself chuckle a bit in my mind, still holding the same serious look on my face. My hand was held out, and I finally broke after waiting for a good ten minutes, "Cartman… Please, give it back." I stepped closer, this time begging him with my eyes. He only smirked and unzipped the bag. I froze. What was I suppose to do? What was I going to do? I needed a plan, and fast.

As he unzipped the bag all the way… I jumped on him, trying to grab the bag back.

He pulled it away, and I reached for it again, snatching it from his hands…

Only, this time I screwed myself over. Everything came falling out.

And I mean _Everything. _

"Shit…" I looked up from the guilty evidence and towards Cartman. He looked down and then looked back towards me, "Cartman…?"

He smirked…

(See you next time. Hopefully).


	5. Chapter 5

Alright, I found this chapter far better than the last. But not all that interesting or good either. Eh, whatever, I'll leave that for you to decide.

The last was so yucky, it's not even funny. D:

So whatever,

Enjoy! :D

Don't Do This…

_I love the way you love,_

_But I hate the way I'm supposed to love you back._

I sat in the cafeteria beside Craig, who had been mumbling something about not doing our physics homework. As I took a bite from my sandwich and rolled my eyes I finally said, "Dude, do you wanna copy mine?" he looked up at me with glassy eyes and cheered.

"You're the best, did I ever say that?" he asked taking a bite out of his green apple. I took a few seconds to glance around the room, hoping Cartman wouldn't be here. Thankfully, I hadn't seen him anywhere. Craig looked up at me with a raised eyebrow, I looked back down at him.

"What?" he said, his mouth full, causing his voice to be muffled.

I rested my head on my hands and sighed, "Nothing, just.. Cartman." I told him honestly. He blinked a few times and then swallowed his chewed apple.

His eyes brightened, "Oh yeah, that's right! How's anger management classes coming along?" he questioned, wiping his clean mouth with a napkin. What a dork. I chuckled to myself before taking another bite of my sandwich nodding.

"Suckish, listening to Cartman bashing on the way I am for an hour without being able to do anything, sucks ass. Yesterday I walked out because he called me a robot. Whatever that means. I'm keeping an eye out because he's probably gonna' kick my ass." I muttered, gazing around the cafeteria once more. Craig laughed and scratched his head.

"Cartman is Cartman, you know that." he snorted, "you're in for hell if you keep pissing him off. Didn't he make you bleed last time? A nose bleed is one thing.. But this was your head." he became serious.

I waved my hand, "Whatever, forget about it."

He shrugged and took another bite from his apple, "Are you coming to the game tonight?" he asked me.

"Duh. Why wouldn't I?"

"I dunno, stupid question." he shrugged again.

* * *

As lunch soon ended and everyone headed for their lockers, I was in for a surprise. I squinted my eyes, seeing what appeared to be Cartman messing around with something in my locker. It took some time for me to get to him, because I had been walking slowly. Nearly everyone was gone. I almost fell over sick when he pulled my gym bag out of my locker.

"Can I help you?" I asked, approaching him with high speed.

He looked over and blinked and then smiled. "Oh nothing. Just checking out a Jew's locker, nothing special, as I thought." he muttered with a lazy shrug. I took a deep breath and glared up at him.

"Put my gym bag back where you got it… now!"

Fuck, if he found out… if he looked inside…

The hall was empty now. Just him and I…

I never been so paranoid and scared in my life.

Ever.

He wanted to see a _Jew's locker?_

_Right, so that's why you stole my gym bag?… _

"Just give it back, I need it for my basketball game tonight."

No, it wasn't because of _that_, I left my pills in there and a lot of other things I would not like _Eric Cartman _to find, I'd be toast… Not to mention it's great black mail material. Oh god… this is just… just… alright, no more sarcasm.. THIS IS HELL!

"Give it back, now." I ordered, my voice stern and clear. I was serious about this, I needed that bag back. Not only for basketball, but so I can keep my pride as well.

Let me explain, if Cartman found out about my… well, _problem, _my life will be so screwed. Knowing Cartman, he'd have me do what ever he wanted. He'd force me to either 1) do everything he says (which I'd never do that) or 2) tell the whole school and send me to some retarded rehab center.

It isn't as bad as him going to fat camp, is it?

I felt myself chuckle a bit in my mind, still holding the same serious look on my face. My hand was held out, and I finally broke after waiting for a good ten minutes, "Cartman… Please, give it back." I stepped closer, this time begging him with my eyes. He only smirked and unzipped the bag. I froze. What was I suppose to do? What was I going to do? I needed a plan, and fast.

As he unzipped the bag all the way… I jumped on him, trying to grab the bag back.

He pulled it away, and I reached for it again, snatching it from his hands…

Only, this time I screwed myself over. Everything came falling out.

And I mean _Everything. _

"Shit…" I looked up from the guilty evidence and towards Cartman. He looked down and then looked back towards me, "Cartman…?"

He smirked…

I began to panic, "Cartman…." I couldn't move. I wanted to grab everything and run.

"You might wanna pick your… _things_, up."

Damnit, Damnit it all!

"You really are this pathetic?" he sniggered, making me shiver.

He continued, "Seriously? Anti-depressants, cocaine… lots of other things that your mother would not like… Gee, I wonder. What are you using these for?" he was such a smart ass. God, I hate him!

I stammered, looking to the side, away from him, "They're a friend's."

How lame… I couldn't think of anything else?

"Really?" Cartman dragged out, "Is that all? A friend's? So are these for fun?" he asked, still smirking. Which began to creep me out.

"N-no!" I snapped, balling my fists.

Cartman tilted his head, "Are you shooting for an overdose? If so, you really are pathetic, because if it didn't work the first time, you're the biggest loser I've ever seen." I gulped as he stepped closer and whispered, "I know your secret, Jew."

I seethed in, this was it. I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled my fist up and slammed it into his cheek. He stumbled back, gripping onto the lockers beside us to keep his balance. I only realized what I did when his fist connected with my jaw. I kept my balance and my head turned with his fist. What just happened. I leaned over clutching my jaw. I licked my lips, the taste of iron soaked my tongue.

_Blood… _

It was silent for a moment. I only listened as he grabbed my bag, putting everything back in it. He shoved the gym bag into my chest. I grabbed it, holding it close to me as I straightened. "What are you doing?" I asked him with a raised eyebrow. I shook my head and rephrased myself, "What are you going to do?"

He shrugged and turned. I could only watch as he vanished around the corner.

What the hell?

I stood there for awhile, until a familiar voice was heard…

"Mhmmffgg?"

I raised an eyebrow, and then shuffling was heard. "Kyle?"

It was Kenny. Why was he here? I turned towards him, blinking. He raised an eyebrow and waved a hand in front of my face. "Dude, what are you doing here? Why aren't you in class?" he asked me. His hood was down, revealing blonde hair. I looked into his eyes and then swallowed.

"I was… Getting some books that I forgot." I lied.

He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow before shrugging, "Oh well. As long as your okay, you look like you've been hit by a bus. Then again, that's my job, not yours." I laughed and began walking down the hall with him.

* * *

I tossed Craig the basketball.

It was another game, another breakaway from life…

This time it was different though. I kept seeing Cartman. Everywhere, I'd go to throw the ball to Craig and I'd see him smirking at me. No matter how much I tried to focus, I couldn't. I kept thinking about before, when he found my gym bag. What was he even doing with it? Why was he even in my locker? Why does he play these stupid games with me? As I ran down the court, trying to dodge the other team, I saw Cartman again, standing in front of me laughing.

"_Pathetic…" _

I slid to a stop. Did I just… _hear_ Cartman? I looked around the court, he wasn't there. How was this possible, why is this happening? Craig ran into me, making me stumble forward. He grabbed the ball from me harshly, glaring at me as he ran past, throwing the ball in the hoop. He called a time out, and we walked over towards the bench. "What's wrong with you?" he snapped. Craig changes completely when it comes to our games… I didn't make eye contact, I just shrugged as we all huddled in a circle to plan a strategy.

Craig rolled his eyes and said, "Since Kyle is being a prick and has his head somewhere else right now, we wont be giving him the ball. So Token, you're my main man right now. Clyde, hang to the side. The rest of you stay focused on where the ball is and where our enemy is. Got it?"

I was listening, but only slightly. The team nodded and we all ran back onto the court, just before the game started Craig leaned in to my ear, "We need to talk after the game." and with that he ran off, bouncing the ball.

Everything was going to fast. I was dizzy. I felt sick. I continued to follow the ball though, nearly walking as I did so. Hopefully the game would end soon.

Thankfully we won, again.

I hurried out, I needed to seriously get away from everything.

Craig followed me… "Kyle, wait a second." he called. I stopped and turned towards him with a blank face. He frowned as he approached me. "Can we talk?" he asked. I shrugged and continued walking down the hall, on my way to exiting the school. He continued to talk, "I lost you back there, what's eating you…? Parents?"

I shook my head.

"Stan?" he guessed. I shrugged again.

He tilted his mouth to the side, in deep thought, "Cartman?"

I shrugged again.

"What the hell is it then?!" he snapped, narrowing his eyebrows.

I couldn't tell him, no matter how close of a friend he is. I stopped walking and so did he. I looked up at him, "It's nothing okay… Just, if someone says something tomorrow, it's not true. None of it is true." he gazed at me as if I were growing a third arm and simply scratched his cheek.

"Well… Alright, whatever that means. What are you talking about?"

I began to walk away, he simply grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"Craig, it's nothing. Let me go!" I tugged my arm away from him and continued down the sidewalk. Everyone was pissing me off lately. Stan pissed me off, Cartman pissed me off, Craig pissed me off, my parents pissed me off. I just need to be left alone. Not to mention I need a fucking drag of some weed right now. Fuck my life.

* * *

It's been a week so far, and Cartman hasn't said anything.

It's making me worried. If he hasn't attacked yet, then he must have something planned. My only wonder is… when.

Stan looked over at me as we sat in science class, working on a lab that Mr. Holloway had given us. "Craig told me something was wrong, are you okay?" oh, so now you care? You're just like the rest of them and you don't even know it. I shrugged and looked over at him, adjusting the goggles on my face.

"Everything's fine. Craig's seeing what he wants to see." I lied. Stan nodded and looked back down at our chemicals. He then turned towards me again, opening his mouth to speak but then closing it. After doing this a few more times he finally let loose.

"So… How's anger management going?"

I poured what appeared to be table salt into one of the chemicals. I answered him, "It's okay, I guess. I have to go again tonight."

"Cartman must be a lot to handle, huh?" he snickered.

He gave a small laugh, I replied, "He's himself, as usual… I haven't heard from him lately though. Has he even been coming to school?" Stan shifted and blew a bubble with the gum that he had been chewing.

He sighed, "Are you blind?, he's been coming. He's just busy with things. At least that's what he told me. It's strange, because he skipped every class he has with you so far… what happened?" the last part was said bluntly, as if he were dreading what I was about to say. I didn't reply, I just kept looking down at the bubbling chemical in front of us. _What was he planning…_

_Is he going to tell someone?_

_Is he going to torture me with black mail?_

_Does anyone know?_

… _Does Craig know…?_

_Fuck, what the fuck is he planning?! _

"I have to go…" I took off the goggles and set them down on the lab table, dashing for the door, leaving Stan behind. He simply blinked as I left.

Why is he suddenly starting to talk to me? Does he know, Damnit, if Stan knows then everything is screwed… Wait, Kenny showed up after everything that happened yesterday, does he know? What about Craig? Where the hell is Cartman?

I keep hearing him, laughing. He's driving me insane, I'm about to break.

I opened my locker and pulled out my gym bag, unzipping it and pulling out a very small bag of marijuana (or just weed). Ha, I remember in fourth grade our teachers went crazy about this stuff. _Drugs are bad, M'kay? _What the fuck ever, this shit allows me to forget everything. Meaning I can get my mind away from Cartman and everyone else. I closed my locker and tucked the small baggy into my jeans. When I turned around, I stopped and looked up.

"Cartman?" I nearly shrieked.

He rolled his eyes, "You'd think someone would cut back for awhile when they have the constant fear of knowing someone could instantly find out after a witness had found out about someone's _issue." _he muttered. I'm getting sick of that word. Everything is an issue with me, isn't it?

"Maybe someone wouldn't need to do this if some people would just BACK THE FUCK OFF." I shouted loudly. "Though, you can't do that can you? No, you have to make someone's life hell." I snapped.

Cartman rolled his eyes again, "Whatever, like I care what you do with your own body." this made me laugh, it actually made me laugh and this was a real laugh.

Cartman continued to glare as I spoke, "If you didn't care, you wouldn't be standing here lecturing me like you're my fucking mom. On another note; you wouldn't be haunting me everywhere I fucking went, being suspicious, just so you can scare me into not doing it. Grow some balls Cartman, admit it, you're worried about me. Either that, or this is some sick game of watching a human rotting away-"

He held a finger up, "You're not human Kyle, you're a Jew."

I growled, "JEW'S ARE HUMAN TOO, YOU FAT MOTHER FUCKER!" I took a few deep breaths, "Get over it, get over yourself. Get over the fact I'm a Jew. Not everyone can be like you, not everyone can be Cartman. And you know what? No one would ever want to be like you. You're a sick, twisted, bastard, who has no self respect or respect for anyone else."

Tension formed between us as we stood there. Cartman seemed to be thinking of something to say, but I could tell nothing was working for him. Had I actually won this time, was this my turn to point and laugh. Do I get to make him bleed now?

"You know, it's a shame."

That voice… It didn't sound anything like Cartman… I mean, it was his voice… but the tone. The tone was so different. "You're the one who has to waist his life away on these," he reached into my jeans grabbing the bag of marijuana, holding it up in my face. I flushed a slight red.

"So if I'm truly the pathetic one, than why do you solve your problems on this? Why do you spend your life in self-pity. Oh, that's right, I'm the one who cant get over something. You know what Kyle? I don't think I need to grow up. You do. Because you should be lucky you actually have both of your parents." he dropped the small bag and walked away. I wanted to scream so badly, I wanted to shout so… Dude, I don't even know anymore.

I feel sick. I feel like a total asshole too. I forgot that I'm not the only one who has problems… Hell, Kenny has it worse than me… and here I am, slapping them in the face for it. Not only that but he's right… I do have _both of my parents_.

Cartman doesn't even know who his father is, and his mom isn't home half the time because she spends her hours either selling her body or drinking at the bar. I opened my mouth to far this time, didn't I?

But Damnit, I have the right to be the way I am. Can't I feel sadness too?

No, no, no, no. According to Cartman, _Jew's don't have feelings. _

No matter what, I'm the asshole of every situation.

Fuck my life.

Fuck Cartman and his false words…

…. I mean,

Because…

… They are false… right?

Ending Note: Not what I wanted. Not what I wanted at all! Oh my gosh, I screwed up the ending, not to mention there were like, a few filler moments in here, like the Stan moment. I mean, what was that? Ugh, oh well. Maybe this one wasn't my best. Hell if I care, the next chapter will be put up soon, it's actually almost done! lol, just a little more to go-- but i'm not going to get to finish it until next week. D: This one was done early because I was in the writing mood last night and finished it. Teehee. Lol. Ewww. This was boring, wasn't it? Lol. Gawd, I can't stand writing about drug abuse. It sends chills up my spine. Haha. Not to mention I had the most fucked up dream last night…

How creepy… O_O

Preview of next chapter:

_Cartman's right…_

_After all this time he's right-- what am I doing? _

_Even if this means he won, I need to do it._

"Cartman…" I gulped, afraid of how things might turn out.

I'm afraid of the future. I'm… still afraid of _him_.

"You were right." I spoke, keeping my head down, looking at the white, fluffy snow.

Eric Cartman… was right…

Not only am I acting foolish, but… I'm a robot.

All along I though Cartman had no sympathy…

But really,

… It's me.


	6. Chapter 6

W00t. Here we go. The next chapter. Things get real juicy in this one. Lol.

Or maybe it's not the best evarrr. Ugh.

My neck is killing me;;

Time to go rade the pain killers~!! :D

Haha, it's a shame for Kyle, it really is.

Hope this one is a little bit better. :D

I don't know If I handled things right in this story.

Oh well, I don't care. Lol

Let me cry on your shoulder. Just once.

_A phrasing that's a single tear,_

_It's harder than I've ever feared._

_And you were left, feeling so alone._

I've been avoiding Cartman as much as possible, accept for the anger management class. I'm forced to sit next to him, I'm forced to speak about my problems. I don't want to, I'd prefer not to actually. But I have to. And even if I didn't want to, something keeps me coming here. Something keeps dragging me back to the dealer; Cartman. I just can't get him away from me, he wont get out of my head either. That's all I keep hearing is him, that's all I keep seeing. He'll haunt me forever, wont he?…

"So how was your week so far?" The woman asked us. I continued to stare ahead, lost in my mind somewhere. I think she could tell because she cleared her throat and asked louder. I shook my head and snapped out of my gaze, looking at her. She smiled, and began to write down on the tablet in front of her.

"It was okay," I answered quickly, a little too quickly. I could feel Cartman looking at me from the corner of his eyes. It made me a little uncomfortable. I began to speak again, "The team won another game." I said blankly. That was probably the biggest highlight of my week, other than Cartman finding out about my secret and my parent's continuous fighting last night. I sighed and began to tap my foot anxiously.

The woman turned to Cartman, "And you?" she asked him. I braced myself, not knowing what he'd say to her, hoping he actually wouldn't say anything. I sucked in what I thought to be my final breath in life and listened to what he had to say. A minute seemed like eternity around him. I hated that.

He shifted, "Boring, and a few tests at school."

I blinked.

Who is this and what did _he _do with the real Cartman? The Cartman I know would have told my secret by now, either that or would have made me his slave for all of my life and his. I can't put my finger on it. I cant figure out why. Why wont he do it, this is Cartman we're talking about, he wants to win. The slim woman nodded again and we continued to stare at her. The clock on the wall still wouldn't stop ticking. That's it. I had to ask him. I turned and glared at him, narrowing my eyes. He turned also, just staring.

"Why haven't you done it yet?" I asked randomly. I could tell he seemed confused at first but when he also narrowed his eyes (glaring) I knew he understood. As for the lady with the pathetic tablet- she was confused as hell, looking between the two of us. Cartman seemed stern, as though he wasn't planning on replying.

"Go on, tell me!" I snapped, seething through clenched teeth, "Everyone knows that Eric Cartman would have told the world by now, getting what he wants. We all know he would have loved to make Kyle Broflovski's life even more screwed up than it already is, so do it, tell me."

He licked his lips as I spoke in third person, he replied, "It's none of my business to say anything or do anything. Be happy I didn't and move on already, before I do say something. Dumb Jew." I let his comment slip this time, since him calling me a Jew really didn't matter to me. I clutched onto my pants, hoping I wouldn't loose my control and explode. I'm on the edge with Cartman nowadays. I can't take the sight of him.

He's making me so miserable…

"You're so fucking confusing! Just swallow you damn pride and tell me!" I shouted, Cartman didn't seem affected at all. Everything has been so backwards this past month. Everything has been so wrong, so uncomfortable, so sick, I want to crawl away somewhere and be forgotten. How much I wish for that to actually happen.

"I've told you once, Kyle." he paused, "do not make me tell you again. Leave it alone."

"May I ask what your talking about-"

"NO!" we both interrupted the woman speaking, making her cringe and lean back. This would be the second time I walked out of her office, only this time Cartman walked with me, leaving too. What can we say?, that fucking chick was pissing us off, and we needed somewhere to talk without open ears listening. Once we were outside of the building, I felt horrible for ever even leaving the office….

I stood staring at him with my arms crossed over my chest. I nearly chocked when the collar of my shirt was grabbed by Cartman and I had been pulled closer to him. My lungs froze and I couldn't breathe. He leaned in, his gaze intense. I clutching onto his wrist, wishing to pull his arm off of me but it was no use. I couldn't do it. So all I was able to do was to stare back, in question.

"Listen, just leave things alone right now? Alright? Be lucky I didn't say anything." he muttered coldly.

I swallowed and let out a shaky breath, "Yeah… but why?" I asked in section, terrified. He shoved me backwards and shrugged, turning to walk away, but I wasn't letting him go, I wasn't letting him get away with leaving me without any answers again. He was going to tell me why. "Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you, Fat ass!" I shouted in his face. I shouldn't have though… and because of the fact I never think before speaking or doing something; I get punished.

He looked at me, his voice loud and clear, "I told you to shut the fuck up!" I was punched… in the nose… again. Only this time, nothing moved. I just continued to glare, holding onto his shirt. I couldn't feel anything anymore. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. Because of Cartman, I've given up on everything. Because of Cartman, I know how much I'm unwanted. I know how much I don't need to live anymore. I just drag people down and throw them around.

"Cartman…?" I whispered, my voice was cracking.

It was snowing again, adding to more snow that had been falling.

He only looked at me. I couldn't say anything, it wasn't because I had been punched (I saw that coming) what made me so upset and shocked was what I was about to say.

_Cartman's right…_

_After all this time he's right-- what am I doing? _

_Even if this means he won, I need to do it._

"Cartman…" I gulped, afraid of how things might turn out.

I'm afraid of the future. I'm… still afraid of _him_.

"You were right." I spoke, keeping my head down, looking at the white, fluffy snow.

Eric Cartman… was right…

Not only am I acting foolish, but… I'm a robot.

All along I thought Cartman had no sympathy…

But really,

… It's me.

He held his fist up, knowingly about to punch me. But I just looked up at him. I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't prevent it. There he was, standing in front of me. The biggest bastard I know had been standing in front of me, and he was actually, somehow… protecting me? He kept what he saw a secret. He didn't take the chance to hurt me…

"Fuck…" I was so confused. I let go of his shirt and held my hands up to my face, taking a deep inwardly sigh. "I'm so confused. I can't do this anymore. I can't stand the way things became. I hate it. I hate it." I had no clue what brought this on. I don't know why I was acting the way I was. I guess I really am at my edge. I guess I am giving it all away.

I heard footsteps. "You're such a joke, Broflovski." I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. It must have been Cartman, because who else would it have been? As quick as it touched me, it was pulled away and Cartman began to walk away from me. I looked up and watched him walk away.

* * *

I laid looking up at the ceiling of my room. Blue walls, blue blankets, grey carpet. How dull. I could hear the arguing of my parents downstairs, and honestly, it didn't affect me at all. I could careless about how they act and what they do anymore.

After all these years of keeping it in. I couldn't help it.

I closed my eyes in hopes of sleeping through the loud yelling of my mother.

How I wish for just one night of sleep. Just one.

* * *

Why doesn't he get it?

Why do I have to be the one to blame?

I can't be the selfish one, because I saved everyone the trouble of worrying about me. I drifted into the distance, unnoticed, to be forgotten- yet no matter what; I'm going to be the one blamed. I've kept myself ignored and in the dark so that I wouldn't harm anyone. So why does he want to contradict that? Why does he continue to bring me down and torture me,

Why does he do this to me?

How can someone be so cruel?

He does it so perfectly.

He picks me up and throws me down.

… I guess I just don't understand.

I'm so alone and afraid of any future I might have. What happened to my big city dreams? What happen to wanting to go to college and become something worth striving for? Why did I crumble down? How did this happen to me…

One again, I have to ask this…

Because no matter what, everything ends in: _Why?_

After everything that's happened this past two weeks. I keep getting strange feelings, the feeling of disappointment, confusion, and somehow; comfort in everything that's happened. And Cartman, he's been there to witness just about everything. After all I've said to him, done to him, thought about him, he still didn't tell on me.

He just, let it go.

After everything I've done- he's been acting like… a friend.

No, that's not possible. Someone such as Eric Cartman could never achieve something so great. He doesn't deserve friendship. I don't even deserve that. I've been so selfish lately, only worrying about myself… Maybe Cartman was right. Maybe I am selfish. Maybe I am a robot. Only, I'm a robot towards external conflict, while I'm emotion on the inside because I only care about how I feel… No, no, this can't be possible. Cartman is never… Though I did tell him straight to his face that he was right… I told him. I let him win.

Jesus Christ…

I let Eric _fucking _Cartman win…

Though that's not what bothers me.

What bothers me is that he's been treating me like a friend. And is it possible he's worried about me?

Wouldn't a true friend have told on me? A true friend would never allow their friend to continue abusing themselves with drugs. A true friend would have gotten help for me. They would have been worried. They would have taken the drugs away from me… They would be hurt to find out that I've been doing something like that, correct?

But Cartman isn't a true friend…

He's a hero; because he tried to talk sense into me. He tried to warn me. He didn't get too close, he didn't piss me off like I would have gotten if he were to be a true friend and do any of the things listed above.

No, Cartman isn't a true friend…

But a good friend.

Haha; what am I saying?

Cartman is a lifeless, intolerant, bastard, who has no sympathy for anyone but himself.

Right…

I'm right, right?

It's true.

Right…

Because even a good friend, a true friend, or even a hero… wouldn't insult me. They wouldn't hurt me, they wouldn't make me bleed, they wouldn't punch my nose as a birthday gift. No, a true friend, or any friend at that (a hero even) would protect me no matter what. They wouldn't stand on the sidelines and watch as I dissolved away from life itself.

That's it. I need to face Cartman.

I need to let him know that I'm sick of it. I need to let him know that I'm done.

I'm done playing his sick and twisted games.

_Cartman… I'm done with you. I'm sick of you being there as a constant weight, just pulling me down. I'm so fucking tired of your fat ass! Be ready, because this is my final word to you. I will no longer be pushed around, and I will no longer give a flying fuck what you have to say. Why? Because everything is your damn fault!_

* * *

I walked up the stairs that lead to Cartman's room. I haven't been in his house since fourth grade. It was peaceful then. My parents were still together, Cartman wasn't a huge asshole like he is now, he was simply an angry child. Stan was still my best friend, super best friend. Kenny always died, and hell, we were kids. We were oblivious. We didn't care about daily things. We were… We were all happy together.

I slammed open his bedroom door and stared at him. He looked up from a book that he had been reading and took out the earphones in his ear (probably listening to music) and looked up at me with a slightly shocked expression and then an upset look. I didn't care. I tightened my fists and trampled over to him. I pointed an accusing finger at him.

"Look here, _Eric_ Cartman," I snapped with a venomous tone. I snatched the book out of his hand and tossed is across the room. I clutched onto his shirt collar and got _real_ close to his face, practically touching noses. I held up my fist, at a lost for words. In that moment of silence I began to think everything through. And once again, I just can't get Cartman out of my head.

"Cartman…-" I was cut short.

He spoke, ever so slowly, "Kyle, what are you doing?" what was I supposed to do? Was I really going to punch him. Was I about to break down and cry? What the hell was I going to do next? He spoke once more, "Who let you in my damn house. Jew's aren't allowed in here. Ew." Or could I laugh? How foolish am I? How dumb and senseless can I become. Look who's sitting in front of me, completely oblivious… and cute…

"I don't know what to do…" I fell into him, thankfully his wall was behind us to hold Cartman up at I rested my head on his chest. I broke. I actually broke down in front of Cartman. Of all the people in the world, I fell on Cartman and began to cry. I gripped his shirt and hid my face. He was obviously too confused to react or even say anything.

I couldn't help myself… He felt so comfortable… It was so quite…

"I'm… I'm so tired…"

With that being said, I drifted off into a sleep. The sleep that I've been craving for so long. Silence, no nightmares. Just, sleep. The irony? I'm sleeping peacefully on my enemy. Fucking Cartman…

"I hate you…" I heard him whisper before my sleep took full effect.

And in a moment. A single second. My whole life crumbled down.

My fucked up, stitched together life… shattered even more than what it already was.

And this time, I was certain…

_No one, could ever pick up the pieces…_

Ending note: Well. I have nothing to say. Whatever. Peace out. D:

Preview of next chapter: 

Cartman held the phone to his ear.

"_**Hello?" **_A voice mumbled through the phone.

"Kenny… I need help." Cartman admitted.

A sigh was heard and the blonde teen replied, _**"What do you mean?" **_

"I think… I'm going insane…" Cartman was distant.

Kenny grumbled something about being annoyed under his breath, _**"Be a little more specific please? You're always insane dude." **_a slight chuckle came through the phone.

"Kenny… I can't get him out of my damn head. It's to the point where… I'm about to fucking strangle him." Cartman seethed, shaking just a bit as darkness filled the living room. His mom hadn't come home yet, though that's expected.

"_**Who?"**_

"Kyle…"

"_**Say what? Dude, there's no way." **_

"No to mention he crashed on my bad… I need you're help dude…"

"_**Alright, calm down. I'll be over in five." **_

"Alright. Just hurry!"

"_**Don't do anything stupid, fat ass." **_there was a click and the line went dead.

"Jerk!" Cartman exclaimed into the beeping phone.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven!!

It's a lucky number, Y'know? Lmao.

Well, at least I believe so! *wink*

Anyway, enjoy this chapter. I don't like it much but the story has to progress somehow, I'm just not exactly sure how yet. Ew. I hate myself, plus it's in third person point of view! Yuck, I can't stand reading (let alone writing) in third person point of view! Yuck, Yuck. Yuck! Haha, enough complaining; hope you like it. (though you wont :D)

Teeeeeeeeheeeeeeee O.o

Uhh. Yeah. Whatever.

* * *

Your mother's couch.…

_Because these days aren't easy, _

_Like they have been once before…_

…_These days aren't easy anymore._

Cartman stared at the door across the room while Kyle made himself comfortable on top of the bigger teenager. He was so confused. How could he have gone from the 'I wanna fucking kill you' Kyle. To the, 'Snuggle your hater' Kyle? It was weird, Cartman knew that much, but what he didn't know is why the hell he was getting blamed for all of the Jew's problems, and with this being said, Cartman was extremely pissed off. He lightly shoved Kyle off of him and onto his bed. He went to walk away but then sighed, turning back and making sure that the small Jew had been covered up and warm. When he walked out of the room he stood just beside the door leaning against the wall, hunched over hiding his face. He was too perplexed right now.

"The fuck just happened?" He sighed heavily and stood up straight walking downstairs. This was just too much for him. He was puzzled between wanted to kill Kyle or to let him be, dreaming in peace. Actually, killing him didn't sound so bad right now. Cartman stepped down the steps quietly, not wanting to alarm his mom if she was home yet. He reached the bottom of the stairs and frowned for a few moments. The couch was clear. His mother wasn't home yet and he knew well that she wasn't in her room because that thing never got used anymore. He shook his head running a hand through his hair and walked over to the phone. It was weird how dark it got quickly, when it had been so bright when Kyle first showed up.

When he reached the phone he picked it up, about to press the number-buttons to dial Kenny's number. He licked his lips, unsure of himself, and unsure if he should actually call Kenny or not. But he did, he dialed the number and held the phone to himself. While the phone rang, he began to think; _Why the hell does he blame me? I don't even know how I could have possibly made his life hell. I mean damn, I even kept what I saw in his gym bag a secret. What a fucking Jew, I fucking hate him. I hate him so fucking much! _

Cartman held the phone to his ear.

"_**Hello?" **_A voice mumbled through the phone.

"Kenny… I need help." Cartman admitted.

A sigh was heard and the blonde teen replied, _**"What do you mean?" **_

"I think… I'm going insane…" Cartman was distant.

Kenny grumbled something about being annoyed under his breath, _**"Be a little more specific please? You're always insane dude." **_a slight chuckle came through the phone.

"Kenny… I can't get him out of my damn head. It's to the point where… I'm about to fucking strangle him." Cartman seethed, shaking just a bit as darkness filled the living room. His mom hadn't come home yet, though that's expected.

"_**Who?"**_

"Kyle…"

"_**Say what? Dude, there's no way." **_

"No to mention he crashed on my bad… I need you're help dude…"

"_**Alright, calm down. I'll be over in five." **_

"Alright. Just hurry!"

"_**Don't do anything stupid, fat ass." **_there was a click and the line went dead.

"Jerk!" Cartman exclaimed into the beeping phone.

He walked over to sit on the couch and wait for Kenny to come over.

No more than four minutes later, Kenny showed up, not bothering knocking and walked right into the house. He took up his shoes quickly and shoved his jacket off. The blonde haired boy walked over to stand in front of Cartman with his hands on his hips and a very blunt expression. "So, what's the scoop?" Kenny asked.

Cartman's brow dropped, he was clearly annoyed, "Kyle's here." he answered monotonously. Kenny could act so dumbfounded sometimes and it seriously pissed Cartman off at the moment. Kenny chuckled and sat down in front of the bigger teen on the floor with his head slouched onto the palm of his hand. He was curious and wanted to know the whole story. "So, tell me when this 'strangeness' began?" Cartman narrowed his eyes at the hardly blunt question and sighed for the tenth time today. He opened his mouth to speak, filling Kenny in on everything that has happened in the best few weeks.

Kenny listened, he actually paid attention and listen to what Eric had to say. Once Cartman had finished Kenny spoke, giving his best to try and reply with the perfect answer.

"Could it be, that you're crutch for Kyle?" Kenny suggested, which made the air dead as Cartman froze at the thought. He boomed with laughter, and clutched his sides at the very silly idea that Kenny had just sputtered. Like Kyle would ever be a crutch, let alone depend on Cartman for anything, it was truly impossible! It just had to be impossible.

"Hell no, like he'd ever be brave enough to use me as his crutch, he'd be shot down and rejected. He's not bold enough to ask for help, so why would he secretly need my help? He may be a Jew, but he's not dumb. Just like me, Kyle doesn't need help from anyone but himself. And it's sad how even _he _can't help _himself_." Cartman snapped, his voice steady and calmer than what it had been.

Kenny shrugged and stood up, Cartman stood too. "I dunno," the blonde said, "Kyle has that look." he added with a very peculiar voice. This made Cartman look over at him with a dazed and very puzzled expression.

"He has some sort of _look_ that I don't know about?" _Sure, he has a big nose, rather thin lips and looks like he hasn't been fed in months, but I never really thought he had some sort of look… This is Kenny that is saying this though, he always __sees__ something. _Cartman thought for a moment. He snapped out of deep reflection and looked towards his best friend.

Kenny giggled quietly, "Yeah, Y'know; he looks at you, with eyes of passion." his voice became high and Cartman knew he was being a huge smart ass, "He want's your body! He thinks your sexy! Go on Cartman give it to him!" Kenny bent over clutching his sides and began laughing hysterically. The bigger teen shoved him away harshly and rolled his eyes.

"Shut your damn poor mouth Kenny, take your moneyless pockets somewhere else. I called you for help, not for stand up comedy. Now get your ass upstairs and help me wake up Kyle, because if I go up there myself, I _might just_ put a bullet through his annoying head!"

"So violent." Kenny muttered scratching the back of his head and then walking up the purple carpeted stairs. Cartman followed close behind him and they both entered the room. They were surprised to see Kyle sitting on the bed rubbing his eyes with a small yawn. Looks like they were saved the trouble of waking him up_. Great_, Cartman thought.

"Where the hell am I?" he looked towards the door looking back and forth between Kenny and Cartman. His eyes widened for a few moments in sudden realization of what had happened. "God Damnit, I was hoping that was a dream!" his voice was incoherent. There was a small pause between the three. A very awkward silence filled the air. He stood and looked at Kenny, "Well," he then said with a staggered voice, "This is weird."

"Glad to see your away, pussy." Cartman insulted and Kyle had sent him a quick glare.

"What are you doing here, Kenny?" Kyle asked, adjusting his green hat.

Kenny pointed to Cartman, "This fat mother fucker called me in his _desperate _time of need," he said with a really, fake, dramatic expression. Cartman slapped Kenny in the back of his head with his forearm, "Shut the fuck up, jackass." Cartman warned. Kenny rolled his eyes and smiled at Kyle.

"So why are you here?" Kenny asked, even though he already knew, he just wanted to hear it from Kyle. Kyle answered, telling his side (which had been full of insults towards Cartman and very dirty words), of the story, of course it made Kenny laugh. Cartman?, not so much.

"Okay… Well…"

Things became awkward, and Kyle hadn't wanted to go home just yet. At least not home to his parents. He looked at Kenny with desperation, "Can I crash at your place?"

Kenny frowned, "Sorry dude, I have family over. Surprisingly, and my house is small enough. My mom would be pissed." Kyle frowned and they all walked downstairs into the living room.

Kyle sighed as Kenny left and he went to go follow him. Cartman rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, "Fine, damn cretin, you can stay here." Kyle turned around to face Cartman, hand on the door knob as he stared, astonished. His mouth was slightly agape and he was a bit confused. Cartman held up a finger, "But for one night, **and one night only.**" he muttered. Kyle smiled and closed the door behind him, standing in the living room. Cartman used his held up finger to point to the couch, "And you'll sleep there, because I highly doubt my mom will be home anytime tonight."

Kyle frowned at that. Not because he had to sleep on the couch, he was fine with that, but because of Cartman's mom. She's changed a lot since they were little. At first she'd only screw the mail man, and sometimes teachers that Cartman would have come over for tutoring. No; now she's out all night; probably has a million STD's; drinks away her life; and leaves Cartman all by himself.

At least Kyle had a mother, a father and a little brother that had cared about them. Who cared if they argued, who cared if his parents' love ran out, because… _at least he still has them. _It really sucked when self-actualization happened, Kyle hated it. In the end, no matter what, he always look like the jerk in the end.

"Thank you… Cartman." Kyle said, in a slight whisper.

Cartman waved him away and began walking upstairs, "Whatever, just don't get Jew germs on my damn couch." Kyle rolled his eyes and laid down looking up at the ceiling.

Emptiness and silence.

He smiled. "Goodnight, Fat ass." Kyle whispered to himself before drifting off into another very peaceful slumber. Only this time… It wasn't as peaceful as he had wanted it to be.

* * *

He awoke in heavy sweat. His T-shirt drenched, his jeans slightly damp from the intense sweating and the humid air. It was terrifying. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to forget the terrible dream that he just had. It wasn't even barely understandable, let alone something he wants to remember and would really like to get out of his head. It was awful and very disturbing. It was… depressing.

"The hell is your problem?" a voice asked. Kyle turned his head quickly, noticing Kyle walking out of the kitchen with a glass of water in his hands. He was leaning on his right foot, with a raised eyebrow, waiting for an answer. Kyle looked at him, his hair was messy, and his eyes seemed tired. He wanted to laugh when he saw Cartman's pajamas. They were so childish with little bear faces all over them. Cartman may look big and tuff, but he actually is really sweet… when he's inside the confidences of his home. Kyle ran a hand through his matted down hair and gave Cartman another quick glance.

"Nothing." he lied. He would never tell Cartman what was wrong, at least not the dream he just had. He wouldn't tell anyone about it and he refused to admit it himself. It was too real, and he didn't want it to actually happen. At least… not any time soon. He watched as Cartman shrugged and walked back upstairs, his slipped flapping down onto the stairs.

_Jesus Christ… _Kyle thought, looking down at his hands that had been sitting in his lap.

* * *

Ending note: I wonder what his dream was, don't you? Lmao. You'll find out soon in a few chapters, it's really weird. Then again, since when are dreams ever really understandable? BORING!!! D: Ugh, talk about filler.

Preview of next chapter: 

I felt a cold mist on my face. My eyes fluttered open and I saw Cartman spraying something onto the couch and I sat up and shoved Cartman's arm away, "Dude, that the hell are you doing?" I asked.

Cartman looked down at me with most seriousness, "Getting rid of any Jew germs they you left on the couch. Duh, what's it look like?"

I growled. "You're such an ass, do you know that?"

Cartman shrugged and continued spraying me and the couch, "I've been told."

I jumped from the couch and glared at Cartman, "Dude, what the fuck-"

"Breakfast is on the table, if you want any," Cartman suddenly said. This made me go quiet and look at Cartman with a raised eyebrow, _did Cartman make me breakfast?_


	8. Chapter 8

Ooohhh laaalaaa!

Let me help you.

_Did you forget, that I was even alive?_

_Did you regret?, ever standing by my side?_

I felt a cold mist on my face. My eyes fluttered open and I saw Cartman spraying something onto the couch and I sat up and shoved Cartman's arm away, "Dude, that the hell are you doing?" I asked.

Cartman looked down at me with most seriousness, "Getting rid of any Jew germs they you left on the couch. Duh, what's it look like?"

I growled. "You're such an ass, do you know that?"

Cartman shrugged and continued spraying me and the couch, "I've been told."

I jumped from the couch and glared at Cartman, "Dude, what the fuck-"

"Breakfast is on the table, if you want any," Cartman suddenly said. This made me go quiet and look at Cartman with a raised eyebrow, _did Cartman make me breakfast? _I walked from the couch with caution and into the kitchen; where in fact there was breakfast on the table…

I wanted to laugh at the silliness in front of me. A bowl of cereal with orange juice.

How… cute, was that? I sat down and began eating, listening to shuffling and whatever it was that Cartman had been doing. After awhile I had finished eating and walked into the living room where Cartman was still cleaning. _I didn't touch everything in the damn room, what the hell?_ I ignored this and waited until he would notice me or say something.

"Ready?" he asked me. I raised an eyebrow.

"Ready for what?" I asked him in return.

He sighed, "You know, it's rude to answer a question with a question."

I didn't feel like arguing, so I simply shrugged my shoulders and rolled my eyes, "Sure, whatever, I'm ready?" I stepped forward, watching Cartman. Sometimes he left me asking so many questions. He left me wondering 'how the hell could someone be like him' and then he had me asking, 'how can someone be so… different?' sometimes I wish I were like him. He was so different he stuck out so much. You'd see him in a crowd of about a million people.

Me? I was like that 'Where's Waldo' guy. It takes forever to spot me in a crowd. I'm so much like the everyday person. I'm so dull and grey… Cartman though, he's a character; maybe not the best character in the world, but he was still someone, he was something. Though he may not show it, I knew he had a little bit of good inside of him. Why he doesn't show it, is beyond me. I don't think I'll ever know.

I watched as he pulled his jacket on, adjusted it and then opened the front door waiting for me to walk out. I didn't bother to ask where we were going and why, I simply walked out of the door. Maybe he was going to take me to a secluded area and kill me, like that one time at the pond. This time he was smarter than to use a pathetic plastic bat, that did no harm. He was so determined back then. Like the time he wanted me to suck his balls (which I will NEVER do), he wouldn't stop chasing me around with that stupid contract of his. I was actually going to do it too, just to get him off my back… but thank-god I didn't. That would have been a nightmare.

I stepped outside into the crunchy snow, Cartman close behind me. I followed him down the sidewalk, _where the hell are we going? _I followed in silence, like a dog followed his owner; I was so loyal. Haha.

Finally he spoke, looking over his shoulder at me. "I'm not doing this because I like you or anything." he confirmed, "and I'm not doing it because I feel bad, because I truly don't. I could never feel bad for a dirty Jew," again, he confirmed. My eyebrow twitched at this statement, he could have said it without insulting me.

"Okay…?" I muttered confused, stuffing my hands into my pocket.

He continued, "And don't think I'm doing this for _my _own good. A friend asked me to do this, and that's the only reason why I'm doing it."

"Can you just get on with it? Where are we going?" I asked, sick of the stalling.

"You're place." he told me, looking straight ahead. I began to walk fast, now walking along side him in sync. "What?" I asked, puzzled.

He rolled his eyes, "I said; we're going to your place!" he snapped, annoyed.

I shook my head, "I know that, but… why?"

He grumbled, "To get rid of anything in your damn room that is a big 'no-no'." he hinted. I began to think, and then it hit me.

"What?!" I was furious. "You can't do that, _I need those!" _

"You don't need fucking drugs Kyle, and you know it."

I growled, "Fuck you, someone like you wouldn't understand."

There I go again, running my big-fat mouth. Jesus Christ, why couldn't I just do something normal for once?, like, keep my mouth shut!? I couldn't help but shriek down at my thoughts and coldly look at the ground, away from Cartman.

"I can walk myself home…" I began walking ahead of him, at a quicker speed.

"Not so fast." He clutched onto my arm, tugging me back. "If you're so sick of the way you are, which I can tell you are. And you're tired of your life being so 'miserable'… then you'd do this. Suck it up and don't be a prick about it. I'm actually trying to help you."

"Yeah, this is helping me!" I pointed out, "Taking away the only thing that actually keeps me stable!"

He cleared his throat, "keep you stable? Those things eat your insides out, they prey on your brain, and they fuck you up forever." he reasoned.

"Once again, you said yourself that you didn't care." I told him sharply.

He narrowed his eyes, "Do you believe everything you fucking hear-" he stopped and began to blink. He let go of me quickly, as if he saw a ghost. He held his hands up and shook his head, as if giving up. "Whatever, I don't need this shit. I'm going home" he went to turn around and leave, but I didn't let him.

"What, what were you going to say?" my voice was calm, collected, and smooth. My eyes softened slightly as I waited for an answer. He continued walking, "Don't walk away from me!" I retorted quickly.

He stopped. I looked at his back as the cold wind blew past the two of us and everything around. He turned around, "I told you I didn't need this shit."

"I don't care what you told me!" I stepped closer to him. He narrowed his eyes and also stepped closer to me. "Tell me what you fucking said, now!"

He grunted, "you have balls Kyle, to actually talk to me like that."

"So? You're not my damn mother, I can talk to you however I want."

He laughed, "Do you really think so?" he asked sarcastically.

I seethed, clenching my fists tightly, "Just be a fucking man and tell me what you were going to freaking say!"

"Make me, fucking Jew!"

"Fat ass!"

Within a simple blink, I was on the ground with Cartman sitting on top of me. Thank-god we landed in some strangers yard on the soft snow, where he punched me square in my jaw. I felt like coughing, but I knew I wouldn't. I shoved him off, onto the sidewalk. "Stop doing this!" I screamed at him.

He simply blinked and stared at me. I felt like crying.

I felt like bawling my eyes out right there in front of _him_…

It was silent for awhile.

I wrapped my arms around myself, my legs stiff from the freezing snow. "Stop treating me like some sort of rag-doll! Stop treating me like a dog! Stop pushing me around like you own me. Just knock it off. I don't care if you hate me, I don't care if you wish I'd die… but can't you just stop toying with me?"

Thus it began, I started to cry. Hiding my face with my hands as I did so.

I could hear shuffling, and I knew it was Cartman, probably getting up and walking away…. But… No, instead he got closer and held his hand up to my cheek as he removed my hands from my face. I expected him to push me back and begin laughing at how awful and pathetic I looked, but he didn't do that. He brought his cold hand up to my eyes and brushed the tears away. I looked up at him, my eyes open as far as I'd let them go. Cartman's image was blurry, and he seemed as though he were inside of a pool from all the tears in my eyes.

I continued to rant, "I hate how it's my fault for everything! It's my fault you hate me, because I'm Jewish. It's my fault my parents are so unhappy-"

"Stop…" he whispered, I couldn't believe this. I couldn't believe Cartman.

Was this really him?… Was this really the Eric Cartman I knew?

I shook my head and grabbed his hand, the one that had been on my cheek.

I sniffed, "I'm such an asshole to you. I'm such an asshole to Craig and Stan and even Kenny. I'm such an asshole to everyone…" he just looked at me, his face seemed troubled, as if he couldn't connect the dots.

He went to speak, but nothing came out. He was actually at loss for words.

He looked down and sighed and then looked back at me, "We don't have all day." he told me honestly, "So, do you have second thoughts about my plan?" he asked, his voice monotonous. I shook my head and pouted slightly.

"I-I.. G-guess we could go to my place." I told him, sniffing once more.

"Fine, now get your retarded ass out of the snow!" he snapped harshly. I couldn't help but laugh and stand up, making sure to get rid of any tears Cartman forgot to wipe away. I walked along side Cartman in silence. Maybe I could start to do something about my life instead of complaining about it…

_Maybe Cartman is __**actually **__right about me. _

_Maybe he does have me figured out like he says he does._

_Either way…_ I looked up at Cartman, smiling slightly, _I don't think I mind him being here with me at all. Perhaps he isn't that bad of a person…_

_He just fucking sucks at showing it. Big time… _

TBC. =P


	9. Chapter 9

Gummie-bears~!!(I love them so mucho!)

(also; listening to _A Skylit Drive_, while eating Gummie-Bears!!) :D

Secrets no more.

_But when I woke the world around me was crushed. _

_All I knew was gone and dead because of you… because of you._

I was miserable. I wouldn't call it miserable, just… indifferent. It was awkward with Cartman being in my room, going through my things and practically searching through everything that belonged to me. I felt like I were being stripped of my identity, like he was finding out every little secret about me. I was not only worried... but afraid of what he might find and what he might do. I shook my head, that doesn't matter right now. What mattered was doing what Cartman had told me to do, _"Stop being selfish and try to help yourself, instead of being a pussy!" _

Cartman was searching everything, throwing some of my needles(used for heroin) into a bag while rolling his eyes, he also found a bag of cocaine and threw it down with the needles. He snarled and looked my way, "The hell dude? Isn't this stuff like, really expensive, how can you afford so much of it?" I shrugged, holding onto my right arm steadily.

"Kenny always gave me some. He was were I got it, for free."

Cartman narrowed his eyes, "Kenny? He actually let you take his shit? The fuck is wrong with him?" Cartman seemed to be pissed off for a few moments but he sighed and grabbed the bag of all my contents and set them down on the bed. I watched as he turned towards me.

"That's all of it right?" he asked.

I nodded, "It should be…" I felt ill, I wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not.

We stared at each other for a bit longer until a loud crash was heard from downstairs. I twitched. I looked over at the digital clock on my desk and frowned. Dad was home, which meant they were fighting again. A few yells were heard and Cartman blinked, seemingly confused.

"Are they okay?" he seemed uncaring and blunt.

"Yeah, they do this all the time…"

* * *

"_Where the hell were you?" Sheila snapped, while sitting at the kitchen table with coffee in her hand. Gerald, Sheila's husband rolled his eyes and set his Car keys down on the table and began walking towards the living room. _

"_I was at work." he replied tiredly. _

_Shelia narrowed her eyes, "Work? Your shift ended three hours ago. Not only did you miss dinner, but you missed Kyle's basketball game." she shrieked, her voice high pitch and annoying._

_Gerald hadn't felt like dealing with any of it so he didn't reply. _

_Angrily, Sheila screamed, trying to get his attention, walking after him into the living room. "Don't walk away from me, just tell me where you were!" she seemed really upset. Gerald sighed and turned to face her._

"_I said I was at work. Jesus Christ, leave me alone!" _

_Sheila growled, "You were with that bitch, weren't you? What was her name, Mary?" _

_Gerald laughed, "Are you stupid? Mary is just a co-worker! Get over yourself." _

_They began to bicker back and forth, their argument getting louder and louder until it woke Ike and Kyle up. The two of them came downstairs, the living room a mess from Sheila throwing things around. Kyle was shocked, his parents had never acted like this before. They all looked at each other, Sheila and Gerald panting in anger while Ike and Kyle were astonished._

_She looked away from the two boys and at Gerald, "Look what you-" _

_Gerald cut her off, "Sheila, I want a divorce…" _

"_What?!" Kyle and Sheila both said at the same time, horrified…_

* * *

I shook my head, not wanting to remember any of it. Cartman had his eyebrow raised and went to speak, but the yelling got closer, they must have came upstairs. I turned towards the open door of my bedroom and watched as my dad screamed something about hating this house and how much he wanted to leave. My mother followed him, replying with denial words and finger pointing.

I looked dismayed, why did they have to do this when Cartman was here?

"I can't take this anymore. This is it, I'm leaving!" I heard my dad shout while slamming their bedroom door shut. I heard some more shuffling and my mom pounded her fist against the bedroom door screaming.

"Open this door right now!"

I ran my hands through my hair with a stressed expression.

"Come on, let's go get rid of this stuff." Cartman told me quickly walking out of my room and downstairs. I followed him and we left the violent-filled home and landed right back where we started; the sidewalk. We both walk beside each other in silence once more. He held the black bag filled with many of my drugs with disgust.

I frowned, "Thanks…" I told him. He shrugged.

"Whatever, just, don't let anyone know about this."

I nodded, "and sorry about my parents."

He didn't reply. I became nervous.

He stopped and turned towards me, I stopped also, looking up at him.

He spoke, "Does that happen a lot?"

"All the time. I never get any sleep because of it."

….. "Oh."

"Yeah…"

He looked down into my eyes, I could feel him looking into me, which made me shift uncomfortably. What he said next made me fall to my knees, "You can, stay with me again tonight if you want."

Would he really do that? Is this even Cartman?

Because the Cartman I know would never let me sleep at his house out of courtesy.

Or at all, except for last night, which was strange too.

"No it's okay." I told him.

"Are you sure? You don't have to sleep on the couch. My mom never uses her room anymore… Though I'm sure you wouldn't want to sleep in there anyway."

"It's okay, I don't want to get Jew-germs all over things."

He shrugged, "You have a point. Yuck!" I gasped and playfully punched him in the shoulder. He chuckled and continued walking. "I'm only kidding."

After awhile of walking we arrived into the center of town (which took nearly a half-hour). Cartman had already threw away the bag full of 'demons' and we were walking somewhere now. Where? I had no clue. I looked over at him, "Where are we going?" I asked him. Things began to look a little familiar.

"We have our anger-management classes today, duh. Did you forget."

I frowned, "Oh yeah."

It was so quite between us, even I can't believe we're walking together without beating each other up, it was odd, I know that much. Why was Cartman being so nice to me? It's not like him, after many years of hating each other, he's just… being, okay with me? It's not impossible, but it's about ninety-nine percent impossible.

We arrived at 'her' office, which I still have no clue what her name is.

Sitting in the anger-management still annoyed me, but I was okay with Cartman being there. For some reason I felt as though I could count on him, I could trust him. Maybe… I can trust him, maybe he is protecting me, but maybe he isn't. Maybe this is just a game to him.

That reminds me, I have a game tonight. I looked at my watched and noticed the time, I had an hour until the game and the class had only just started. Cartman noticed and raised an eyebrow. I looked over at him and then back at the woman.

"I'm sorry," I told her, "I need to go, I have a game in an hour."

she paused and then nodded with a smile, "Fine, come back tomorrow."

I stood to leave, turning back to see if Cartman was following me, but he wasn't.

I left the building and began walking down the sidewalk again.

It was snowing, surprise, surprise.

"Aye, Jew."

I stopped and turned around.

"Leaving without me? What an asshole!"

I smiled at Cartman, he was such a damn smartass.

We began walking towards the school together.

"So," he mumbled, "How did things start between your parents, the fighting, I mean." I frowned, I was hoping he wouldn't ask me, but since he did, I couldn't _not_ tell him, right? I took a deep breathe.

"I don't remember, it was a couple of years ago." I lied.

He rolled his eyes, "Don't give me that bullshit."

I grumbled something under my breath and looked at him and then down at my feet, "We all knew he was doing it…"

"What… who?"

"My dad, my mom and I knew he had been cheating on her for awhile, we just never had the nerve to say anything. I guess my mom just got sick of the lying and cheating she sort of just… blew up."

He nodded, understanding.

"One day she came home, and they began fighting. Next thing I know they want a divorce. I knew it was coming, the way they looked at each other, the tension in the house. It made everything so different than what it used to be. It made everything complicated. I remember waking up in the middle of the night to my mom screaming at my dad… I got really scared sometimes that they were going to hurt each other."

I frowned, trying not to let any of it get to me, I continued, "But it all had to happen, there was not stopping it."

He scoffed, "Why the hell would you let that take over your life, it wasn't your fault."

"No," I said honestly, "It wasn't."

"Okay…?" he asked me confused.

I sighed inwardly, "That doesn't mean I didn't affect me. I felt like we were all being pulled apart, like my family wasn't really my family anymore. My mom broke down and stopped being herself, she hardly speaks and never cares about anything that Ike and I have to say. My dad is never home anymore and I feel so deprived and alone…" I couldn't go on, my body began to shake from the cold. After so long, I finally got everything out, I was finally able to express how I felt about it.

"It kills me inside to see my mom… she's… not my mom anymore."

Cartman looked down at me as I looked up at him. He Didn't say anything to me, but I knew he was listening to everything and I knew he understood.

"Do you… know what it's like to have someone promise you that they'd be home…?" I was about to fall, I felt so sick, "But then, they never come back?"

Cartman shrugged, "Yeah, actually, I do."

I froze, he did know, didn't he? He must have not noticed because he continued walking. When he finally did noticed and looked back at me, his hands were shoved in his pockets. He did understand me, if not, he practically knew exactly how I felt. He was just like me. He's stronger though because he's able to go out around his problems and he faces them.

I always run away from them. Maybe it's time that I face them too.

"Cartman…" I whispered, walking up to him, "Thank-you. Thank-you so much…"

He rolled his eyes, "Whatever, dumb Jew."

* * *

The game was a blast. I was able to concentrate, and every problem I had this morning was all gone and sent away. Though, this time I don't think it was basketball. I think it was Cartman. He made me understand, he made me see. We won against the other team of course, and Craig was happy. In the locker room he spoke to me.

"Nice game, that last shot was amazing, what happened, did you get struck by lightening?" I laughed at his comment and smiled at him.

"No," I answered, "Today was just a good day."

He smiled back, "That's cool dude, so, what's going on with you an Cartman? He's like, waiting for you or something."

I laughed, "I'm not actually sure, he's been acting really nice to me lately."

Craig raised an eyebrow, "That's weird, you don't honestly believe him, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean, you don't think he's being nice to you because he likes you do you?"

"I don't know, why?" I felt insulted.

Craig sighed frustrated, "I mean, don't you think it's strange, like he's planning something?" the seriousness in his voice made me want to laugh in his face.

"I don't know Craig," I told him picking up my gym bag, "But, I think it's pretty lame of you to point fingers and accuse people because of what they've done in the past."

"I don't mean it to sound bad or anything, but he could be trying to mess with your head or something. This is Cartman we're talking about, don't fall for his tricks dude, he fucking hates you, remember?"

I gaped at him, was he actually saying this, Craig, the person I thought would never make me feel like this, is making me doubt everything that ever happened and making me give up any kind of friendship I might have left with Cartman. Is he trying to be a good friend, because if so, he's trying too hard.

"You're a jerk. You're just as bad as him, I don't care what you have to say; he's being really nice to me. If you have a problem with it, keep it to yourself. Stop being a jackass. I'll see you at practice Tuesday." with this said, I walk past him, brushing against his shoulder harshly and out of the locker room where I met up with Cartman.

* * *

That night, I laid on Cartman's couch (which I chose to sleep there), thinking.

What if what Craig said was right? What if Cartman is playing games. What if he's… leading me on? I shook my head and turned to my side, facing the back of the couch. I frowned, "am I stupid?" I whispered to myself.

_Craig is right, Cartman hates me, the only good reason he has to be nice to me is to hurt me even more than what he already has… but then, why would he want to help me get rid of the drugs? Why would he want to try and help me with my parents? Is it because he wants to win my trust? Why the hell is he doing this to me?_

_Why doesn't he just give up already and leave me the hell alone? _

_Why does he confuse me so much… Why am I such a fool?_

I couldn't help myself, I began to silently cry myself to sleep.

"I can't trust anyone."

After awhile of laying there in the tormenting quietness, I finally shoved the covers off of me and walked into the kitchen to get a drink of water and something to snack on. I grabbed a glass cup and poured some water into it, taking a sip. When I turned around, I nearly dropped the glass. Cartman was standing in the door frame of the kitchen, not only that but it was really dark (just the outside lighting lit the room), so his figure startled me at first.

"Jesus Christ, Cartman, you scared me."

"Sorry." was all he said. I shivered, his voice was so small, so settle.

I smiled at him, "It's--"

I stopped when I noticed he was walking closer to me, what was he doing?

………….

………….

* * *

_This plan, better fucking work… _Cartman thought.

**TBC :D**

Ending note: Dude; I relate to Kyle so much in this chapter... D: lmao.


	10. Chapter 10

**Note:** I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT. And I do not blame you if you hate me and if you don't ever read this story anymore. I mean, what the hell is wrong with me? I am a super lame writer. Hate me. Please, I beg you, send me flames. SEND THEM. Anyway. Sorry I am. Please, kick my ass for my horrible rudeness of being late on this chapter.

Anyway. Here's to TEN wonderful chapters!

They were wonderful… right? XD

It gets better guys. Enjoy this. Please.

Sorry if it's not good enough by the way!

Hope for you; part one.

_You stole my heart, and I can not shake, that you said I was your "Worst mistake". _

What was he up too? Why was he getting closer to me?

I blinked and watched as he blocked me against the counter. Both of his arms on either side, keeping me from going anywhere. I began to think of many of the things he was planning. Was he going to murder me, like the sadistic asshole he was? But then again; why the hell would he do that after everything he's done for me? Was it all a lie… just to get me at my most vulnerable position so that he could have his way with me, and kill me? At that though, I began to get angry and narrowed my eyes.

I nearly choked when he leaned in to my ear. "I fucking hate you." he whispered.

I didn't react. I don't think I could have thought of any reaction really.

What was I supposed to do? I've been living in a dream world, actually believing that Cartman and I could be friends, I kept telling myself he really could change. Craig was right. Why don't a just listen to him? He's my best friend, he was only trying to help me, and I told him off like that. Cartman will always be a monster, how could I ever think he wasn't.

How could I be so foolish that I actually thought someone was there for me. Someone who cared about my life, someone who didn't want to see me fall into the black. No; he wanted to lift me up, make me believe that we could be friends, he made me think he cared by telling me I needed to stop doing drugs. He wanted me to think that I could go to him when I needed somewhere to stay.

I believe him, I fucking believed Eric Cartman.

He turned and walked away, just beside he exited the kitchen he looked over his shoulder.

"Get the hell out of my house, Jew."

I couldn't stand it. I wasn't going to allow him, of all people, to fuck with me like this.

"You're so fucking pathetic!" I screamed, my voice echoing.

He turned around completely, glaring, "I'm pathetic, whose the one who-"

"Don't even pull that shit on me! I'm not as pathetic as you are. Sure, what I've done has been really low, and rather lame of me, but it cant level up to what you've just done. To think, I thought you, of all the people in south park, I THOUGHT YOU COULD CHANGE. I had hope for you, Cartman. I had so much fucking hope for you, like I thought you had for me. Well you know what, eat your own fucking words, you dumb fat fuck-"

"Say another word about me being fat, and I swear to fucking god, I'll plant your face in the floor in an instant!" he walked up to me angrily and grabbed the collar of my shirt. I didn't flinch. I glared at him for a few moments. And then, I did it.

I spit in his face. Right on his cheek, which I could see he was shocked.

Dam, I was on the floor, Cartman on top of me, we were fighting, as always.

He tried punching me, but I moved, and then I tried to punch him. We continued to have a brawl on the kitchen floor, until I stopped and began to laugh. I couldn't help myself. I just laughed. And laughed. And laughed. And laughed my ass off. That dream will never happen. Ever. Now that this has happened, that dream was just a stupid fictional hope. Hope, that's all any of this was. Hope. Which has been shattered once more, _by him_.

"Get the fuck off me, lard-ass!" I shoved Cartman off of me, and dashed for the door, slipping my shoes and coat on quickly. I began to run down the street, shaking from not only the cold but because of my nerves and my boiling blood.

I can't believe what I was doing. Kenny's house was in the other direction.

So where the hell was I going?

I ended up at a house, a few blocks down from Cartman's. I couldn't knock on the door, no, I'd wake the whole house up. So I went to the back yard and climbed up the tree until I reached his window. Until I reached Stan Marsh's window. Why the hell would I come here? Stan and I were no longer friends. We were no longer speaking to each other. I hated Stan. Why would I come here? I reached out and tapped on the window. Nothing. I tapped again. Nothing.

Finally, I tapped a third time. Nothing. So I turned to go back down the tree.

"Kyle?" I froze.

I turned around, the cold freezing my falling tears onto my cheek. "Stan…"

"Kyle, what are you doing? Do you know what time it is?"

"Yes. I know what time it is…"

"Quick, get inside, it's freezing out here." he motioned for me to come in, so I did. I climbed inside the room and stood, looking around. It hadn't changed. It was plain and simple, like his room always was. I smiled a little, but it quickly faded. He sat down on his computer chair, looking at me. I sat down on his bed.

He opened his mouth to speak, "so… What is it? What's wrong dude?"

I laughed, though it was quiet. He hasn't called me _dude _in years. "Stan, I'm going to kill myself."

He raised an eyebrow. "You're what?"

**TBC**

* * *

**Ending note:** Okay. There it is. I just made this in like, a half an hour. I wanted to get it done for you guys since you've been waiting forever, I know it sucks, and it wasn't what you were hoping for. This is the first half. I'll work on the second half (which will be much longer) tomorrow. So please, sit tight. I love you guys. And sorry if you don't like it. If there are any mistakes. Please let me know. :D I love you!

*throws many gummybears at you guys* SORRY ONCE AGAIN. :D


	11. Chapter 11

Part two of **Hope for you**.

Note: a good song for this chapter is; Congratulations, I hate you. By: Alesana.

I know it's a bit hardcore. But if you look past the screaming and read over the lyrics. It's pretty good for Stan and Kyle. And Kyle and Cartman. And everything about this chapter.

Hope for you; Part two.

_Broken, this fragile thing now._

_And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces. _

"Slow down Kyle, why the hell would you want to do something so stupid?" Stan asked me.

I looked up at him, was he truly worried for me, or was he pretending, like the rest of them do.

"Stan, do you honestly have the balls to ask me something like that?" I ran a hand through my red hair and sighed, "Right now, everything but that seems so goddamn stupid. I don't even know why I came here, because coming here is pretty fucking _stupid_ of me." I looked straight at Stan, who seemed to be a bit uneasy. He stood from the chair and walked over beside me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Kyle, tell me what happened?"

I scoffed, "Everything that could go wrong, went wrong. That's what happened."

Stan sighed, but I continued, "You've been gone from my life for a long time now Stan. You've missed out on a lot." I told him, wanting him to feel so horrible about how he's been treating me. I wanted him to feel so fucking bad for me. I actually wanted his pity.

"W-what do you mean?" Stan asked, feeling uncomfortable. I don't blame him.

"You're all I ever fucking had!" my voice got loud, and I stood from the bed, looking down at Stan, who seemed confused as always, "I lost my parents, I lost everyone, Ike hardly even talks to me anymore. But I would have never guessed that I would have lost my damn best friend. The person I thought would never fucking leave! Fuck you, fuck everyone! Fuck Cartman, my parents. Fuck myself!" I dashed, running out of the bedroom and downstairs. I slipped outside, slamming the front door shut and down the sidewalk once more.

Everything was crashing down. Every little detail left of my sanity was going blank.

I didn't need anyone. I didn't need help. I can do just fine on my own.

All I need is myself. That's all I fucking need…

_"Not so fast." He clutched onto my arm, tugging me back. "If you're so sick of the way you are, which I can tell you are. And you're tired of your life being so 'miserable'… then you'd do this. Suck it up and don't be a prick about it. I'm actually trying to help you."_

Cartman's words bounced around in my head.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to ignore them. He was such a lying fat ass. He doesn't know how to help anyone but himself. He only cared about one person, and that was himself. And only him. He could never make room in his heart for anyone else. He could never, ever be friends with someone, actually care, worry, and be there for them. No. he was too much of a damn _Nazi_ to give a care about anything. I gulped, this was too much. My body was shaking for something.

Shaking for drugs.

I knew just where to get them too.

I began to run faster, until I reached Kenny's house.

I didn't care about making too much noise. So I went through the front door and straight up to Kenny's room. I opened the door fastly and ran up to his bedside. "Kenny." I shook him, "Kenny, get up. I've got money." I whispered. He groaned and rolled over, "Goddamn! Kenny get your skinny ass out of bed!" I flipped him over and off of the bed. He fell on the floor with a light thud.

He groaned again, "Daaaamn. What the fuuuuck?" was he drunk or something?

"It's Kyle. I need it." I told him.

He sat up and smirked, almost as if he wasn't even tired.

"Kyle came to me for sex this time?" he was smiling like a complete idiot.

I whacked him across his head, "No idiot, Give me whatever you've got."

Kenny looked like he was debating with himself. "I dunno, I promised Cartman I wouldn't."

"Do you honestly think that asshole meant it? Look, I'm just a customer, remember? Here!" I threw all the money that I possibly had at him. He took it without a problem and licked his lips.

"It's enough for two needles, but that's about it."

I ran a hand through my hair, "That's fine." I seemed so stressed out I bet.

He sighed, stood, and walked over to his dresser, pulled out two needles or heroine, threw them over at me, and waved me towards the door, "Now can I sleep?" he stated more than asked. I sighed thankfully and walked out of the door. I walked a few blocks until I reached the school. I found a way to break in, and made my way towards the gym. When I went in, I shot the needles into my arm, and to pass the time, I decided to shoot some hoops. To get everything off of my mind. I grabbed the basketball, and began to play.

Dribble. Dribble. Whoosh. It went through the net.

Everything around my started to get fuzzy. I began to run down the court, and shot another hoop, making the ball into the net. Everything began spinning, but I still continued. I wasn't giving up on the only thing I possibly had left. I shot another hoop. And then another.

I shot one more, and then heard a loud ringing sound in my ears. I fell down onto the court, the ball rolling away from me. Everything was dark. Cold. And silent. Everything felt so… content now. Was I dying? Was this it? Could I finally be in peace now? Did I have to suffer anymore?

This was it. I was over.

_I'm still alive, but I'm barely breathing._

_Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in. _

_Cause I got time- while she got freedom._

_Because when her heart breaks, no it don't break even._

/**Cartman's house.**

I was sleeping, without a care in the world.

Why did I do it, you're really that curious, are you?

Kyle was right, I can't change. And I don't want too. I wont loose who I am, and the person I've worked so hard to become over one person, the person I hate the most. I wont allow it. I can't let it happen. I hate Kyle, and he hates me. That's all that matters. Sure, the plan in the beginning was to bring him up so far, just to break him down. And maybe I succeeded on that. But it's not my fault that he expected so much from me. I'm one damn person, not a million. He has to face the fact. I, Eric Cartman, will not change myself for one person. For a Jew to be frank.

But who gives a damn. I know I don't.

_Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring._

Who the hell is calling me this late at night?

I looked over at the night stand and watched my cell phone buzz around, almost falling onto the floor. I grabbed it in time and looked at the caller ID. I raised an eyebrow at the name. Stan Marsh. Why would he have to call me, or was it Kyle pretending to be Stan? I shrugged and turned the phone on silent, rolled over, and went back to sleep.

I didn't know how much time passed before Someone slammed my door open yelling at me.

"What the hell did you do!"

I groaned and rolled over, only to be stuck with a fist in my face, making my nose crack all together. "What. The. Fuck!" I snapped, clutching my face and sitting up. I looked at my hands to check for blood, none. I then looked over to see Stan breathing heavily, panting, and clenching his fists like he wanted to continue punching me.

I glared, "I don't know what your talking about."

"Kyle, what the fuck did you say to Kyle. What did you fucking do to him!" he was really pissed, I don't think I've ever seen Stan so angry before, this was something new. He was someone completely different. He clutched onto my PJ's and pulled me closer to him. I left my face blank and narrowed my eyes.

"I didn't do anything to that damn pussy."

Stan only got more pissed, his face began to get red, "Then tell me why the fuck we found him overdosed on the damn gym floor at school. You obviously did something! You stupid fat fucker, I'm so goddamn sick of you!" he began laying into me. I was too confused to fight back, why was Kyle overdosed on the gym floor, what the hell did Stan even mean?…

"I shouldn't have let him leave last night when he told me he was going to kill himself. Well, Cartman." he stopped punching me, I blinked up at him as he laid on top of me on the bed, "You better how he doesn't die, because I swear on my life and yours that I wont think twice about putting you through the biggest hell of your life. Because when you fuck… when you fuck with my super best friend, you fuck with me!" he shoved me into the bed and then got up to leave.

I was left alone in the room. Not knowing what to do with myself.

**TBC**

**Ending note: **Well. There's the rest. Hope you like it. I didn't really know what to do with Cartman, since he's a complete asshole and no one likes his lying ass, so I had Stan come teach him a lesson. What we've learned in this chapter s, that friendship doesn't ever end. Know that just because your not as close as you used to be with someone, doesn't mean you cant ever be again in the future of something. So keep that in mind loves. Okay? I'll work on the next chapter soon. See you later! :D


	12. Chapter 12

Hi guys. Here's chapter 12. Hope you like it. :D Oh, and I did some calculations of the ending of the story. There is probably only one or two chapters left to the story. I don't know yet. I know it's super short, but after this chapter, I felt like there was nothing more to do. I mean, he help Kyle become something more than what he was, and Kyle well, changed also. I don't know. We'll figure it out later.! :D tell me what you think!

Song for this chapter: God damn your beautiful - Chester See.

By the way, remember that dream? Well, you're about to find out what happened!

Insane;

"_Cartman, I love you," it was faint, but for some reason I said it. Why did I say that? There was no possible way that I loved Eric Cartman. What the hell was going on here. No let's take a few steps back, Cartman is a jerk, someone who you can't trust at all. Someone who I completely hate. So can anyone tell me why the hell I would say something so dumb to someone like him? One, it's just disgusting. Two, what the hell? _

_I looked around, I was standing in town, people were walking past us, Cartman was standing in front of me. It was cold. Yet, I was burning hot. I couldn't speak, I wasn't able too. I couldn't even move. I tried, but it was like I had been stuck. I didn't understand what was going on. But I didn't like it at all. So I continued to look at Cartman, disgust running through my mind. He looked down at me. Without caution, I reached my arms up, trying to keep them down, trying to pull away, take back what I said, and run the other way. But that didn't happen._

_Instead I clutched onto his jacket and pulled him down with force, I crashed my lips against his, and while doing this, my mind was screaming at my body to stop it and get away. I didn't like this. I felt uncomfortable with this. It's not that I didn't mind… it's just, this was Eric Cartman. The person I hate the most, the person who is as cold as an ice cube, maybe colder. How the hell could I even attempt to kiss someone like him… was someone like him even kissable…? _

_I began to shake, afraid of his reaction. I was going to have to pay for something I didn't even want to do in the first place, what did It was my stupid body, which was being completely retarded and doing whatever the hell it damn well please. And that pissed me off. I was being forced to do something I didn't want to do… That was until I felt a hand touch my cheek, pulling me closer. I watched as Cartman closed his eyes and turned to get better contact with me. THIS WAS NOT CARTMAN. There was no way in hell Cartman could be so gentle. _

_I began to get weak in the knees. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't breathe. _

_He pulled away, my face was flushed and burning, I couldn't believe how I was acting._

"_Kyle, I fucking hate you." he whispered in my ear. I froze (even if I couldn't move to begin with), my body became even more tense than what it was, my eyes widened, I felt them begin to water. Cartman pulled back with a smirk on his face, His vision was blurred, almost like a picture was water-colored. I began to breathe heavily and reached out to him, trying to touch him. But no matter how much I tried, my hands went right through him. I couldn't feel him, I couldn't feel his warmth, I wouldn't be able to run to him for help anymore. _

_Not like I've been doing the past few weeks. No, Cartman wasn't there. He wasn't there for me. _

_I began to violently thrash around at him, trying to punch him. I stopped when I notice he was turning into a grayish color all together. He then began to harden. I found my felt grabbing around him, trying to hug him. He was so cold and hard. I didn't understand anything that was going on, or anything that I was doing. But I felt like I needed to touch him. I needed to feel him, to know that Eric Cartman wasn't just my imagination, I needed to know that he was there. He was real, and they someone was actually there for me when I was so close to drowning in an ocean of despair and loneliness. _

"_Eric…" I whispered, and almost on perfect timing, I heard him say my name, and then he completely turned into pieces, crumbling down to the ground. I watched in terror as people walked around me, not even noticing I was there. No trying to help me. I fell to my knees, trying to grab everything I could of the pile of dust and stone, trying to pull it up to me. Trying to feel it's warmth. _

"_Help!" I shouted, "Somebody help!" I screamed once more. But no one would help._

_No one was willing to help me, accept for him, Cartman._

_But now even he was gone. _

* * *

/**Real time. Hospital. Stan's point of view.**

"Is he okay?" I asked nurse, who has been checking up on Kyle to see if everything were okay. He's been past out for awhile, and he looked really ill and in a lot of pain some of the time. Like he were having a bad dream. I felt horrible. Like I let him and myself down these past couple of years. Wendy had wanted to come with me to the hospital, but I told her no. I think that's half the reason I'm so far away from Kyle. Maybe I spent a little too much time on Wendy than I should have. Maybe it's true, maybe I did neglect Kyle's friendship.

I had been sitting beside Kyle's bed, watching him toss and turn, sweat uncontrollably, it was painful to see him in so much distress, but sooner or later, he was going to wake up, and I'd be here for him, like I should have been over the past year. I watched as Mrs. Broflovski clung to her husband, crying as she watched her _little boy _laying with bruised arms in a hospital bed. It was amazing what could bring some people together. Mr. Broflovski was brushing his hands through her red hair, which wasn't even put up as the usual, but down because she was obviously in a hurry to get here as soon as she could. Kyle took after her. What with his red hair and stuff.

It would only be a matter of time until he woke up. And I hoped soon too.

After while, I noticed Cartman speaking with one of the doctors outside, trying to come in, but the only one allowed in here had been me, since I was the first to show up. His parents were also allowed of course, but they had to go home for Ike, they should be coming back soon though. I stood from the chair and stormed out of the room and up towards Cartman.

"You've got some nerve coming here," I snapped, pointing an accusing finger at him.

He glared at me, "I just want a few words with him, that's all."

"He's not awake yet, so looks like you wasted your precious time," I glared back.

"You're starting to piss me off _Marsh_," he sneered harshly.

"Oh yeah? Well, that's great, because you pissed me off years ago, and now I'm even more pissed off." I told him honestly, wanting to bash his head into a wall. If I would have known he was apart of a stupid plan like this before, I would have stopped it when I noticed Kyle had been around Cartman for some time. Actually, I found it strange at the time, but never really thought about it too much. I know Craig did, he came to me asking for help to convince Kyle not to trust Cartman, but looks like he didn't listen to Craig, and did it anyway, look where he ended up. Maybe I should have listened to Craig and just helped. Maybe then, Kyle wouldn't be here.

"Stan, all I want is a few words with him. Is that such a damn crime?"

"don't tell me you feel bad, because it's impossible for someone like you to feel guilty for something like this,"

"No, I don't care whatsoever what happens to that filthy Jew, but that doesn't mean someone can't apologize, I mean, come the fuck on, at least make him feel better, even if I didn't care at all." Cartman told me, making me roll his eyes and gape at the other.

"That's why he's here! Because you made him think you did care because you acted like you did! What the fuck is wrong with you, don't you have-" I was cut off.

"Let him come in Stan." I turned around, and Cartman looked in the direction of the voice. Kyle had been standing in the door way, not too stable, but stable enough to have been able to get up out of the bed and walk over towards the door. "Only for a couple of minutes though." and with that, Kyle walked back into the room and climbed up into the bed. Cartman smirked at Stan and brushed past him, closing the door behind him as he walked into the hospital room.

It was quiet.

* * *

/**Kyle's point of view. **

"Well, out with it. I don't have all day."

I noticed he was second questioning himself on whether of not he wanted to say something or not.

"Okay look, I'll come out with it. I'm sorry, okay?"

"That's all?" I crossed my arms, narrowing my eyes, "You're so goddamn lucky I'm not in the best shape, because I'd be kicking your ass right now. Do you know how sick and demented you fucking are? You're so fucking horrible, I could kill you right now! Look where you have me!"

"Don't you think I know that!" Cartman shouted silently, "Will everyone just shut the fuck up about this being my fault! So the hell what, I'm not the one the put the needle into your damn arm and inject it. No, you did that, and if you ask me, it's pretty fucked up of you to go behind my back and do something so fucking stupid!" he explained to me, getting closer and closer to me with each word. When he was finally right beside the bed, I felt a little uneasy, afraid that he might hurt me. But then not too afraid because Stan was just outside.

"Why the hell would you care what I did? And how the hell did I go behind you back? When you did what you did to me!" I told him, making him growl and lean in, hands on either side of the bed, he had to most pissed off look I've seen, and I glanced towards the windows to see that the blinds were closed, so now I was completely fucked, now, he could kick my ass and get away with it, unless I scream for help….?

"I was tired and delusional at the damn time. And just because I hate you and want you out of my house, doesn't mean I did what I did because I wanted to make you feel even more worse! Fucking Damnit Kyle!" he said lowly, "Do you honestly think I'd go through so much trouble to help clean yourself up, just to do this? Put you back right where you were before? I don't fucking think so. I'm not that fucking bad, you stupid Jew!"

"Wait, what…?" I asked, confused on what he just said.

"Christ, your so fucking dumb! Don't you get it? I was fucking worried about you!"

I gasped, "Worried about me, but why the hell would you be…?"

He sighed, and his face softened, "Just because we're complete assholes to each other, doesn't mean we weren't friends when we were little, and it doesn't mean I have to hate you completely. Don't just assume something by what _you_ just see, because sometimes you don't see everything." he told me, which made me gulp and look up at him with a surprised face. I wouldn't expect something like that to come from Kyle. I gulped. "Worried… Eric Cartman was…"

He rolled his eyes, "Quit being a school girl, you idiot."

"Wow…" I whispered and looked up at him with a smile. He scoffed and turned his face away. I giggled and touched his cheeks, making him look back at me with widened eyes. "Eric Cartman, blushing? Is this even possible?" I said through the thin hair between us. I then did what even I wouldn't expect myself to do, I leaned up and pressed my lips against him. This time it felt real, and this time, I could feel myself and him. I wasn't alone. I was with someone else, someone who actually wanted to be there, but didn't want to either, someone who was completely confused with himself, someone who was an asshole about everything. Someone who I fucking hate. Someone who fucking hate's me. Someone, who just… understands.

Someone… Named Eric Cartman.

**_T B C_**

* * *

Ending note: Hey! So there's the ending to this chapter. Maybe one or two more chapters after this. But that's about it. Maybe there might be more. I just don't know where else to go with this story. I know it seemed a bit boring over the long run. But whatever happens, happens. I really hope you liked the story so far, and I'll see you in the next chapter! This one was sort of rushed. But whatever! See ya!


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